Can someone be tooooo nice? Red flag?

[febbabies2023]

So I came out of a long term relationship at the very beginning of the year and I just started to start dated again - more to see what was going on, learning 'how' to date and what not

Anyway I started talking to this guy and we chatted for about 3 weeks before we managed to meet up (both busy with work, I have children etc) and it went SO well.
We met up again a few days later and had another lovely time
Tuesday we went on another date and again had a nice time and a kiss, which was lovely.

But I came away from the date almost feeling like... well not how I should.

On paper he's great! Works hard and has a good career, good communication, complimentary, attentive, attractive all those good things.

But he has already said how much he likes me, he's deleted his dating apps, he said he will come get me on Friday when I'm out with friends if I get too drunk. Tells me pretty much every day

I'm starting to feel like it's almost a little bit suffocating but I'm not sure if that's because it absolutely is and he's a complete red flag.. or if I'm getting in my own head about it because of coming out of a relationship

Any advice?!

He's very sweet and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I feeeeel like I'm getting the ick

This. Say "thanks but no thanks" and see what his reaction is...

There's loads of nice men and women out there. Some people are just born good people and they are genuine. Obviously be careful, take your time and look out for the signs that it's a front they are putting on.

I don’t like the picking you up after a night out. I had one like that and he didn’t actually like me going out.

I don’t see why he would do that when you have only just met him.

There's a big difference between 'not going at the same pace' and 'smothering' though.

Sometimes a person might be keener on us than we are them, that's fine, so long as they respect appropriate social boundaries.

It's not fine if they start telling you they have deleted all their dating apps a couple of dates in. That's rushing intimacy.

Same thing goes for picking you up after night out. They are not your boyfriend. They're someone you've had 2 dates with. Its creepy.

There are things that don't need to be communicated because they are obvious social norms. Someone who buldozes societal boundaries, will bulldoze your boundaries too.

Update: I messaged him and told him that I needed to take a step back for a few days at least whilst I'm working things out (stressful time at work, home, kids, the ex etc) and that I just needed a little break.

Fully expected him to actually reply but he didn't so.. gives me my answer!

I mean he may be processing what I said but I did think I'd get some response!

Thanks for your help ladies, looks like this one's dead in the water!

Lol, I could see all the above red flaggers trying to find this guy themselves after you drop the axe...

@C1N1C to be fair the guy hasn't really done anything wrong! Just a bit intense for me maybe 😂 I can only assume he's feeling a little hurt which is why he hasn't responded to me which is fair and he has a right to do

Yes, he's more than likely stunned into silence because you've sussed him out this early on.

You've handled this well, @febbabies2023

You were entitled to go at your own speed and to ask him to slow down a bit. If he has not replied, maybe he just needs a couple of days to process it, and then he'll get back in touch and respect what you said. If not then he wasn't compatible with you.

@DucklingSwimmingInstructress absolutely! I don't need someone who's going to have a tantrum when I ask for a breather. I have two kids already, I don't need a third! 😂

Sussed him out.
Sorry im not sure what he did wrong here?
Should he have acted all uninterested and aloof, maybe cancelled a date 20min before they were due to meet because “ something has come up”
Treat um mean to keep um keen.
Hes probably just wondering what went wrong.

Wouldn't be surprised if he is hoping the silent treatment will freak you out enough to make you chase him. And when he realises that isn't working, it'll be some other tactic or a barrel of abuse. Best case scenario, he's fucked off because he can't handle being told no.

Offering to pick someone up from a night out with their friends is too much too soon. It's needy and creepy, after only a couple of dates, possibly both.