72 year old mums fb behaviour

[Rudemum18]

My mum has never ever been " one of the girls" shes never been affectionate or expressed her emotions towards any of us 4 daughters all over the age of 35. She has never hugged, kissed, cried or said she loves us. Shes never expressed genuine pride or support. She is always bitching about the above behaviours being expressed by other women towards their kids and partners. To the point where ive been so baffled why shes winding herself up with our old school friends soppy posts.

She is a nightmare when i post anything new so i block her off 99% of my posts. The minute i change my profile photo she has to comment. Today shes decided to tell me i look like a woman of a tv show shes currently watching. This woman was born in 1963 and i was born in 1989 and i see no resembelance. I have been told by three seperate people (,one was a strangers child) that i lool like a red haired actress whos actually quite beautiful. Ofcourse shes much more glam in photos but we ate the same colouring age and face shape so i get it. I jokingly replied to my mum makes a change from being told i look like "x" she replied straight away "nah you dont look like her"

In the last year shes began putting xxx and having loads of banter with alot of my cousins and acting really false online to join in and be in with them.

Im finding her behaviour really odd. What is this?

What exactly has her being 72 got to do with things?
I'll declare an interest here: I'm 72.
You sound very ageist.
I will say though it is difficult when a parent never shows you any affection.

Because im explaining that the above behaviour is a woman of that age. Im not ageist. Clearly your age is bothering you? Do you feel old?

She’s a nasty cow.
Seriously though, she is clearly lacking maternal feelings & may be jealous of you all.
I don’t know why, maybe she feels she’s not reached her full potential in life & you 4 have?

My age isn't bothering me at all !
I'm asking you about your thread title because it was so specific about the age 72!
As you obviously expect certain behaviours to be exhibited by people at specific ages you have confirmed to me that you are ageist!

My mother is 82 and has been like this my whole life. I'm the only girl, I have two brothers, one younger, one older. My mother is very very misogynistic and growing up I had it firmly drummed into me that men and their wants were always more of a priority than mine. Two examples out of thousands is that when we were all still living at home and working full time, I was the only one that was expected to pay board - my older brother was earning about 10 times what I was...I was also not allowed to keep any sort of sanitary product in the bathroom, had to flush used pads (wasn't allowed to use tampons) down the toilet and was NEVER to mention my period in front of my brothers or my father.

My mother has alienated all her friends in the last decade, it's really sad. Like your mother, she never stops bitching about them and their grandchildren now. It's jealousy, as neither myself or my brothers have had children of our own (awful childhood). She's a very bitter woman.

My MIL is like this and aged 70. It's really bizarre, fake, will put up a really soppy comment on a bog standard pic or post but then blank mine or one of her GC.... Then gossip about them behind their backs...

Very odd

I relate as i was also told to hide my pads and not even leave a wrapper for my dad to see.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it?

Its such a weird thing. My mum spends so much time on fb. I spend 5 minutes on it now as im working etc. Shes on it on and off sll day. Shes always nick named it "face ache"

My now elderly mother is not remotely maternal - long story - but will do performative mothering on Facebook.
Hate it. Completely fake.

Im not sure whats worse. My mum would rip the piss out of me if i put kisses on her messages but she puts kisses to everyone else. Its like she is two people!

I remember once she came into my bedroom and a packet of pads wasn't fully hidden under my clothes (I didn't have a proper chest of drawers, just an open shelving unit). She threw an absolute fit "what if one of your brothers came in and saw them?" etc.

That's just what I was thinking.
But I'd better shut up as I'm obviously considered too old for MN!
I can see this thread is going to turn into a bitchfest against older women.

I think it is this. Shes openly said she never wanted kids. She had 2 kids by 19 and worked whilst they were little. But she met my dad in her mid 30s and has never worked or gone out with friends. Shes always had her routine in the house and she does express sometimes that me and my sister need to spend some time at home etc
Shes definently had opinions on what we are doing. So yeah it might be envy that we are doing more to fufill our lives

No not the case i think most women in your generation are lovely and behave alot nicer than my mum. Im in nursing and i love your generation so please dont take my title to heart.

I don't think there's anything unusual with their attitude to periods. I'm a good 10 years younger than your mum OP, and this is how I was reared too.

Yes my mum is similar. She tells anyone who’ll listen that she wanted to do nursing or midwifery was when she was young, but having kids stopped her. Always goes on how she sent off for the ‘brochure’ like that’s one step away from graduating. I did actually graduate & worked as a midwife for years, but she wasn’t pleased for me at all.

Another thing she does which is similar to what you’ve said is compare people to unattractive celebrities, myself included. It’s just plain nasty.

Ive clearly hit a nerve please dont be offended that we are discussing how we feel. Dated outlooks need changing for future generations. Whilst dirty pads and discussing periods around people who are not open to it is a no, its a normal part of every womans life and our pads sitting in the bathroom should not trauma a male. Its a part of life

Its so strange. We did not stopnthem achieving. My kids are 6 and 8 and im training up higher now

I am not taking your title to heart: I was merely questioning why you were so specific about her age.

I take issue with you lumping people into generations and expecting a certain behaviour from them . My generation is not " lovely" . It is made up of individuals, some of whom are nice people and some not nice and a whole range in between.

I understand how awful it is to have a parent or parents who don't show affection. Who don't care about your feelings. That's the upbringing I had. It didn't start when my parents got to a certain age. It was how they were all my childhood and into older age. But they were always interested in and pleasant to people outside the immediate family.

So I truly sympathise with you as regards your Mother's behaviour. I'm merely questioning it being age related or whether she just isn't a very pleasant person.

Sounds like a covert narcassist. Google it, my mother in law is one. Really fake in public but actually really horrid

@Rudemum18 you can answer your own question, simply by looking at your own username 🙂 She is rude. And that's why she's rude... Because she is rude. Just another rude person roaming the face of the earth alongside legions of other rude people. Behaving how they want, having double standards, being shit to the people they should cherish and protect most of all. Yeah, just rude.

Unfortunately, the only thing you can truly control is your own responses to rudeness being inflicted on you and your family. Block? Delete? Build boundaries. Minimise contact. She won't change, but you can definitely change how you let it affect you, or even if you have to deal with it at all. And it's not rude to do that!

@Rudemum18

Well my 'little' brother and I always refer to facebook as faceache. We are fairly normal thank you so I don't know why you put that in??!! It is normally that I cannot remember facebook and faceache comes to me quicker! Neither of us are obsessed by any posts on it either.

I'm not sure how you saw the response as hitting a nerve of being offended.
It's more factual information that in the past certain things were not displayed or discussed openly as they are today eg periods, menopause, cancer and mental health. These things are discussed far more openly nowadays including period products left in bathrooms.