I think I have a narcissist in my life, what do you think?

[Hotchocolatelatte]

I’ve had a very difficult time with this person over the last 4 years. It was ok when we met first but as the time has gone on it’s got awful.

As we’ve got to know each other and it’s become clear (to them because I don’t think like this) that we don’t agree on everything they won’t acknowledge me. I get punished by being ignored, being put down and belittled. I was ignored because I don’t tidy my house to the same level as they do. I like to tidy, put my music on and have a go. They think that I shouldn’t need to have my house this level of tidy and so stopped talking to me. Same thing happened with how and who did all the looking after baby. Their and my ideas are different and I can’t see any issue. The same with the lights I put in my garden etc etc.

I can’t understand why it matters if we don’t have all the same thoughts and feelings about things. They get really annoyed and avoid me and it feels punish me. If I do happen to align with something then all is happy days. It’s so so up and down. I’ve no idea but I’ve had a read and they sound narcissistic?

I’m pretty sure my XH has narcissistic tendencies, I’ve learned a lot about it. What you’ve described doesn’t shout narcissism. It does suggest a toxic dynamic full of criticism.
Can you give examples that led to you thinking they are narcissistic?

Because they can’t seem to see that I don’t think and feel the same way as they do. They seem to be threatened by this and then start treating me like I’m literally not in the world. They literally blank me. Family members who follow what they say they are so over the top and loving towards.

Nah, they just sound like a thick, annoying cockwomble.

Assuming if you only met this person a few years ago it's an in-law of some kind?

Well I voiced a different opinion on a family holiday 2 months ago and I’ve not been spoken to since. Literally just didn’t agree on how to spend one of the days.

There is a word for that..stonewalling. They are teaching you to ‘behave’ - if you challenge their opinion they punish you by not speaking to you. You will end up walking on eggshells, trying to avoid it happening again. Abusive? Yes. Narcissism? Not necessarily.

Narcissism has many forms. General consistency is that they believe they are perfect. My XH is covert so it wasn’t obvious to start with. His key theme was to imply I was too critical ‘I can’t do anything right’ which negated my ability to raise anything that bothered me. He was very selfish but constantly talked about how much he did for other people. Other narcissistic may be more obvious, I know one (diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder!) who genuinely put on social media ‘I’m the greatest person you’ve never met’ 🤔

The question is, does it matter? Do you have to have a relationship with this person? I notice you’re deliberately not mentioning if they’re male or female, nor what relationship you have with them. But you don’t have to have a relationship with someone who treats you like this.

I didn’t want it to turn into one of those threads about those people. Oh yes they think they are perfect. The way they talk about other people is pretty nasty. Being not spoken to is not really an issue as they aren’t that nice. But unfortunately we have to have contact sometimes. I challenge them simply by being me, I’m not like them.

A label is meaningless and pointless and diagnosis by Mumsnet impossible.

So - do you want to be with this person or not? That's all that matters.

It's your MIL isn't it?