Moving away

[poppyd76]

Hello

Needing some advice please

Two boys live with there dad 17 and 21, they moved in with there dad when we divorced as iit was local to there schooling , didn't want to take them out of seniors,and the job I had in different area I couldn't get them there on time in mornings or pick them up ! As I was half hour away so we decided they stay with there dad mon to Fridays ! And I had them Fri night to Sundays nights and every half term etc etc
Over time cos of there age having mates and girlfriends , they stopped staying over but I see them every Saturday or whenever I want to be honest it's never been restricted.
I couldn't afford to stay in the area where there school was, too expensive to rent , it's all been amicable, everyone been happy etc etc

My eldest now works full time and my other son at college

The issue !!
I have an opportunity to move with work , better pay etc etc but it's three hours away ! Also cheaper rent etc .
I am currently half hour away from my boys now , what do I do !?

I haven't spoken to anyone yet regarding this ! As don't know what to do.... my first thought was no, no way , but then I thought should I go for it , then I think no not leaving them ...

Your children are grown. Depending on what they chose to do for work and their life they could end up anywhere and you would not expect them to not live their life just to be closer to you.

Take the better job and create a better life for yourself. Hopefully they will be able to come and stay.

It's a two bed house so they can , I hope they will my eldest drives too

They are adults now who could emigrate to the other side of the world if they wanted.
I would take the job and move, it would be different if they were young teenagers.

Personally I would not move that far, its hard enough to get time with teens, throw travel into a mix and your relationship could suffer.

Interesting. Would you expect them to not move too far away too?

I’ve lived in different countries to my parents since leaving school and I can guarantee you the relationship we have is not impacted by this. The notion that you have to live close and everyone comes for Sunday lunch at mums house is outdated and also doesn’t mean you are closer in feelings.

Her children are pretty much grown men. Unless they are planning on supporting her financially she needs to have a good life for herself. Why should she curb her opportunities for grown children?

I see them more than Saturdays , it's when ever there free, as my eldest lives at his girlfriends most of the time and my 17 year old out with mates or at his little job, used to see them Fri nights to Sundays and all half terms , but since getting older they didn't want to sleep over any more , it's never been restricted to when I see them . I text them daily morning etc etc.

Who's abusive ???

This is not for me , I advised my friend to put this out here as you've all helped me before !

She is sitting next to me trying to work out what to. It's a hard decision for her so though some outside advice may help , her ex husband definitely not abusive.

My daughters age 17 and 18 live with their father and I probably only get to see them once a week because they are out with friends etc.. (they wanted to stay in the family home and I couldn't afford to stay there). I currently rent at the moment. My son is 14 and I have 50 50 custody of him. When he is 18 I am going to move away simply because I cant afford to buy in the area, so similar to you. Why don't you ask them how they feel about it first, but I do agree they will be moving on with their lives soon and you do need to consider yourself and how you will live.

Which mag

I have four kids , two live with there dad too ! Yes my boy was 21 now 22 two days ago !

We've been friends for 20 years , same sort of situation but my recent ex was abusive I have recently left him ,

My friend is currently looking for advice this is not about my recent threads

Son was 30 now 21 had his birthday recently thanks to previous thread I gave him £200

Sorry this is stressing us out now , my previous threads are about me not my friend we only looking for advice for her please

I'm too confused to offer an opinion. If this thread is for your friend why is it all 'I, me and my'? Why not just say at the beginning it's not about you? Or am I still misunderstanding it all!

??

Won't be coming here for advice again it was an innocent thread !
Wasnt looking to be bullied

My son was 20 in last thread now 21 i pressed wrong button

Only wanted advice for my friend not torn down cos of my previous threads and no need to explain myself was only after innocent advice

Then say it was for your friend from the start!! Why the subterfuge!!