I went on holiday in 2020 to America and met an American man. When I got back to the uk we kept in contact everyday and he would fly over here to visit me and then go back. He told me because he worked for the US government he could try and get a job with his government working here in the uk. He would be given a work visa. Even though things felt they were moving a bit fast I felt I was in love with this man and I’d get to see more of him. The job fell through. He asked me to marry him and we got married here in the uk Christmas 2021. He then applied for a spouse visa with my help and was given one for 5 years. He went back to America, sold his truck and house and came back here in 2022. He came over here with a substantial amount of money and the first thing he done was buy a 26k car which I thought was a bit foolish as he didn’t have a job yet. It was always me keep getting my debit card out to pay for everything. He would never offer. I asked him about when he was going to start looking for a job and he said his got plenty of money to sit back for a bit and spend time with me which I explained was a bad idea. I then confronted him about rent and it caused an argument but eventually he agreed he would give me £500 a month. My then 6 year old boy at the time liked him to some degree as he would read to him and walk him to school. My husband is 45 with no children and I am his first wife. His last relationship was with a woman who he claimed had 5 different cancers and he was hanging out with her and using her for 6 years for sex. I’ve argued about this person because his calling it a FWB when I think it was a full blown relationship. This same woman he was texting and going out with behind my back in 2020/21 when he was in America. Before me she would send him rude photos he then would go out of his way to then email them to himself and put them in a folder he had created, along with the woman he spend 10 years with before me who he had a relationship with where they slept in separate bedrooms. More like roommates. When I confronted him about his little folder he told me he was keeping them for blackmail incase any of these woman talked shit about him or his 6 year FWB husband cos she was married but separated when they were messing around. Incase it ever came out what they were doing and he could show her husband it was all her with the dirty photos. The FWB woman used to actually be friends with his 10+ year girlfriend. His never been able to get a woman off his own back. They have always been through friends or others seconds. We’ve had some good times together but have constantly argued. In the 2.5 years his lived here he hasn’t bothered to get a job, a uk driving licence bank account or a NI number. His constantly sat over me and suffocated me. He can’t do anything for himself. His had 3 MRI and 2 CT scans, sinus surgery and his on a bunch of pills. His under neurology ENT dermatology and an eye doctor in the hospital. I found out his used Asian massage parlours in America (before me) and kept a collection of photos of strippers and him that he would get every time he went to a strip club and stashed them in his sisters house before he came here to live. I also told me while he was living here that back in 2021 an American woman at his work was sending him rude photos and although he didn’t like her he likes the attention. (We were together) then he changed it and said he got the dates wrong it was before me 2020. I’ve done out of my way to buy sexy underwear and I’ve never had a compliment from him. Whenever I’d dress nice and wear my makeup I’d never get anything. My son who is now 9 has suffered from anxiety and my husband would always complain that he would it strange how me and my son slept in the same bed. He thinks it’s incest how my cousin was waxing my bikini line during lockdown. He said what am I going to do when my son is still sleeping next to me at 14 and is jerking off next to his mother in the bed. His made claims that his seen my dad beat my son. During arguments when I’ve went to walk out of my house to get away from him his phones the police on me. His put a pillow over my face, ripped my top off my boob, hasn’t showed my son any affection. Follows me everywhere. I don’t even call down to my dads house anymore. I went from around 9st to 14st. Chewed my nails off constantly and have been on a bottle of wine everyday for 6 months to just bare him. A while back I got a breast reduction and while he asked me not to do it obviously I still did. He said his sexual attraction has slightly gone down because he liked my old breasts and while these are not fake they look man made. I argued the fact that his ex had small breasts and he likes hers, but he said I’ve altered myself and that’s not the person who he fell in love with. I’d wake up early hours to find him out of the bed and downstairs with his phone and the tv on. Something told me while I was hoovering one day to turn the tele on and I seen all of these Scantilly clad women bending over American cars. This was on YouTube. I told him I didn’t like and I felt horrible that I’d just had a breast reduction and he was sat downstairs watching that. He claimed he was watching it for the cars and would fast forward the other bits. I found out that in January this year he had been ringing many immigration lawyers to try and find a way to stay here without me. And found the only way is marriage, having a kid or if his suffered from abuse. Well his been living with me and compiling or trying to so he can go down the domestic abuse route. I couldn’t believe it. I said if you do that my son will get dragged into it and social services will get involved because your shouting this buzz word abuse. He said my son would be a casualty (basically collateral damage) I’ve told him to leave and go back to America but he refuses to and says it’s taken him 45 years to leave his country and his not going back now. I can’t understand how he has been with his girlfriend for 10+ years and never had any kids or marriage yet he meets me and all of a sudden after a few months love bombs me constantly and talks about how he never wanted kids until he met me. My son is sick of the argument and has even seen him smash my phone up. Anyhow after I found out that his been trying to find a way to stay here I told him to pack his suitcase and leave. He has been gone now for 7 weeks and during that time all his done is complained how I have deserted him and his living from hotel to hotel. His never attempted to try and resolve anything. I’ve cried to him with disbelief of the horrible things his said. I’ve tried to tell him that his done nothing but made me an insecure wine drinking fat mess and that the years of arguing and him and these American women and the lies have finally put the last nail in the coffin. His said sorry but not in a genuine way. He is emotionally unstable and has terrible Peter Pan ways. It’s always been like his been a spoiled brat. I’ve learned a lot about his past from a friend of his. He even holds a grudge against his dad to this dad cos he didn’t get the roller blades he wanted when he was a young boy. A grudge against his dead brother cos he found his laser pen he had stolen from him when he was 10 after he died 20 odd years later. His never really had a relationship with a woman. I’m bubbly with my dark British humour and he just sits there. There’s even been a time where his walked out of a restaurant on me (by god I felt embarrassed with all the uneaten food left) all because I wasn’t looking at him. He used to send me cards when we first met and I thought it was strange because it was like reading my own words. Everything I said to him he would put in Cards to me. I finally allowed him to drop from the £500 to £300 because his money was running low but I was still over spending and getting my cards out in restaurants. His done nothing to show his had a wake up call or uses this time to reflect. I barely hear from him so god knows what his plotting. I’ve said to him if I’m an abuser go to the police. He couldn’t change while he was with me and me leaving him hasn’t gave him a wake up call. His crossed some lines in the things his done and said. My own husband trying to get a visa because he only ticks the box with the home office for domestic abuse. His so desperate to stay here his willing to tell lies and throw me under the bus all to obtain a visa. I’ve contacted the home office and filled for a divorce. I’m trying to rebuild my life right now but I feel it’s hard as long as his in this country. I think he never loved me and just seen me as an opportunity.