Advice on difficult conversations

[Poppy708]

Hi I was wondering if I could get some advice as I’m finding things really hard - have recently had a baby who is my partner’s parents first grandchild. Just for context we’ve both probably experienced different types of parenting - mine encouraged me to be independent / stand on my own two feet - always supportive but encouraged me to make my own decisions and be confident in doing this. Partner’s parents are polar opposite always making the decisions and doing everything for partner and assume I want the same even though I’ve had to be assertive and say no and be firm in making my own decisions.
Since having baby I’m finding my partner parents increasingly overbearing I’m struggling with them wanting to do everything for us - from doing our food shop / making us food / wanting to feed / change baby etc…
They offer to look after my little one for a few hours twice a week whilst partner is working so I can get a few hours sleep but honestly the more I’m around them the more I feel suffocated by them wanting to do everything and feel like they’re being martyrs by sacrificing themselves to think we need them here all the time even though we’ve said no and limited it to just a few days a week. I know I should be grateful for the support especially as many new parents might have to plough through with little or no extended family for help. I’d never begrudge or stop them for seeing our little one but feel their need to want to do everything for us just too much.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this sensitively without offending anyone?

They are your partner's parents so its up to him to speak to them and put some boundaries in place. Has he done this? is he prepared to do this?

Have a think about what kind of help /what frequency works for you and speak to your partner, ideally he should be having this conversation with his family

I can understand but think your being a bit mean everything is not just about you in a relationship, you might also hurt them and your partners & if you want to be together a long time think this through carefully. That said perhaps you could think about what "type" of support you'd like from them and communicate this clearly. Remember too you are teaching your child how to behave to others, personally im of the opinion you can never have enough people loving your child (how wonderful for them) especially caring loving grandparents your child is one of the lucky ones, some grandparents dont care bit maybe that would suit YOU better but as I've said is it really all about you

Did you see them much before ?

I would write a list of the things they can do to help and the things you are ok with. Get DH on board then just keep repeating ‘no we are ok with help on that’.

you don’t have to be super grateful, if they aren’t checking how you are, then it’s not for your benefit but theirs

Just go out more.

Thank you for the helpful advice it is useful hearing things from an outside perspective.
I am probably leaning toward the idea of setting boundaries more and being clear about where we need support and what we don’t need help with.
I hardly saw or spoke to my partner’s parents before baby was born and even now everything is geared towards my baby but I think they see helping out with look after my baby looking after me.

thanks @Freeme31 I appreciate those comments and take it on board I don’t wish to ruin or hinder the relationship and I am grateful for how much love they have for our child and want them to have a great relationship going forward. Just feeling slightly suffocated by it all and feel I’m not always listened to either.

At times I do slightly feel I’m being over the top and over emotional I guess it’s dealing with the lack of sleep and recovering after having a baby too.