Have to clear out my parents house tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

[Mhamai]

My dad is 80 and in a nursing home since the end of October, he never bought the house. He's not coming home so tomorrow I've to go with my sister to go through everything which also includes all my mums stuff (she did 9 years ago) dad would not let us sort her stuff at the time.

I just feel horrible and want to make it all go away.

Poor you Mhamai. I know my mum found it really hard when my dad died to clear out his stuff. She decided to keep a couple of things - items of clothing. She had to avoid the charity shop where she gave most of the clothes for a while in case she saw any of his stuff in there.

I hope it goes OK for you.

I cant offer any advice I just couldnt read and not post

remember it will invoke happy memories and those are the ones to remember

I feel like I'm betraying my dad. He has Alzheimers and every time we visit the home we have to keep telling him he's coming home in a few days. He was always fiercely independent. I know rationally it has to be done but emotionally I feel like I'm five again and just want my Mam and Dad to sort it out.

Although it is really difficult you and your sister will probably find some things you had forgotten about and a good talk about old times.

We had to clear out DH's mother's house a couple of years ago which was very sad. I agree with the point about taking any clothes to a charity shop miles away.

It is horrible sorting out your parent's house. Is there anyway you can try and do it in small chunks rather than all at once? Say do the kitchen and dining room one day, bedrooms and clothes another.

From experience I've found that you need to have as much help as possible and lots of boxes marked charity shop, things to keep and bin. Try and either arrange a skip and a collection from a charity shop for furniture and electrical items, or arrange for a house clearance firm to go in once you have sorted though all their things.

It is a dreadful thing to do, be brave.

I'm dreading the day I have to do this. The advice above sounds good. Good luck and chin up.

Thanks everyone for your replys. My sister only phoned half an hour ago to say the skip was coming tomorrow, so although I knew it was on the cards, I wasn't aware of the exact day, I suppose I would have just kept denying it, so hearing it's tomorrow has come as a bit of a shock.

It must have been a bad moment.

i do feel for you - i hope you find lots of happy memories in there too. If it helps you must think of this as a real act of love - your parents are blessed to have you to help them do this for them. As parents now ourselves we would not want our kids feeling sad doing this stuff, so perhaps think of it that way round?

Bridie3, I was actually very calm and matter of fact about it while on the phone with ds. It's only now that it's starting to sink in and what it entails. I had an extremly dysfunctional childhood and I'm so bloody scared of unknown or worse known demons rearing their ugly heads tomorrow. I don't mind admitting it but I scared.

There were a few good memories but not many.

Not surprised you're dreading it.

I'm heading off now to meet a friend for coffee so hopefully she can help me put things into perspective. Thank you all for answering, I know it sounds a bit of a cliche but it really is helping me to feel less alone in this, an option I didn't have as a child.

oh i see - that sounds really really hard.

good luck x

you may even find it cathartic, or some kind of relief/release
hope it goes as well as can be expected
take some treats with you and take regular breaks to enjoy them

Oh minouminou. Thank you. I'm not feeling so bad now but I know tomorrow will be hard and that's ok I'll survive. I'm so grateful because of the lovely support from yourself and other posters along with rl friends today.

I just want to thank everyone again who posted on my thread yesterday. It wasn't easy and we are not finished yet but what amazed me more than anything was the amount of times we laughed.

The look on my sister's face when a wrapped condom fell out of one of df's old wallets was a picture! I suppose when I close the door behind me for the final time it will be hard but today was a lot about closure and letting go. Anywho, thank's again.

Darling Winky!!oops

Darling Wonky!

Just seen this thread and am here to annoy/cheer/support/ you. and [wonk]

Ah thanks LW, I'm just counting down the minutes now to wine O'clock 9 O'clock when I can unwind. Who knows I might inflict treat you to some more 101 specials later. [wonk]

Well I have poured my wine and am ready and waiting. Before we get onto all that, I would like to know if you finished today or if you have to go back tomorrow? How odd finding the condom - when did it expire?
Later on when we do d 101, do we start a new thread? It would seem a bit blasphemous to tell those stories on this thread..

Not finished yet LW. There's at least another day of it, God don't ask me re the expiry date, she fecked it into a bin at the speed of light. We also found a nudey mag My sister was holding it up like it was something she had just stepped in and my brother in laws eyes were out on stalks but like the condom the mag went just as quickly into the bin.

Yes, I think it might be unwise to post that sort of stuff on this thread, I'll just leave that to my dad.

and [wonk]

Well, I hope you will be finished tomorrow, or whenever you are doing the next day. You need to plan something nice to do immediately afterwards.

Pretend nudey mag belonged to someone else - that is really scary.

"Pretend nudey mag belonged to someone else" Scary? Wot u on bout u nutter? How much wine have you had?

and

[wonk]

Nudey mag = scary, so pretend it belonged to a visitor.

I have had far too much, but I do think you should have something nice planned for when you close the door for the last time. I already said that didn't I? hic.

Ah, I get you now!
Yes, very good suggestion about doing something special on last day. I'm only on my first glass but as they say the night is young. [wonk]