We are born, created by two people, with no control of over destiny. A child is so precious. They need love, care, food and water. But what if that doesn’t happen - who does that child become?
I’m not going to tell you anything you already know about child abuse. I won’t be graphic - you don’t need the details. What I want you to know is how it affects you constantly throughout your life, with complete disregard of where you are and how you feel.
Have you ever been called needy, controlling or unstable? “Needy” doesn’t even come into the equation unless the person involved is not receiving normal human attention. At least, that’s how I feel.
It can’t be productive in raising a good adult to tell them they are worthless…”you will always be nothing”, beating them, punishing them, restricting them, taking their dignity, sexually abusing them, mentally torturing them.
So we grow up feeling ‘different’ and not really knowing why. Why did everyone else have a happy family? What have I done to deserve this? What am I doing for this to carry on? Why am I restricted in who I talk to, like neighbours and family? Punished by physical violence if I tried, threatened and violated in every way.
The point is, we were refused those basic human rights as children. No love, empathy, understanding…how can you learn if you were not shown?
So, skipping on, we are now adults with no sat nav. Nothing to guide us. You’ve probably made so many mistakes but it’s not your fault. You didn’t know. No one showed you the path. Owning your life is probably the first step.
It happened. Am I going to be a victim or a survivor? I’m going to be a survivor.
Mistakes may have happened because our judgement was impaired but the good news is - we know it and we can try again. Being a child is about education, love, empathy, kindness and forgiveness.
If you were never shown that, how can you learn and show it to others? You need to understand, as I have done, that it’s literally down to the lack of education and empathy from your childhood.
But as you get older, and the more experiences you go through, you know instinctively what is right and what is wrong. And it’s up to you and I to change that cycle. No one else - it’s down to me and you.
Relationships sometimes change for the worse, unfortunately, because you’re not ready. And there are people who will take advantage. It’s completely up to you, no one else can make those changes towards a better future. You’ve not being given the manual, in fact you’ve been programmed to self-isolate in times of trouble. This is when you need your family and friends, love and trust.
So when it all gets too much, do whatever you need to do. Isolate for a short time if that makes it better. But you need to look into yourself and make the changes there. Try closure, although I would say it still comes back and bites you. Be prepared. Have no regrets. Be proud of yourself. We all make mistakes.