Struggling to forget him

[Blossom4538]

I became close to someone, nothing happened but we definitely cared for each other but couldn’t be together. He moved abroad and moved on…I’m so sad and can’t forget and move on. I feel horrendous and it’s been months now. He is not in touch with me. Don’t hate me, I’m married and it is a very supportive, almost platonic relationship. I have massive doubts about our marriage and feel so low.

no nasty comments please. I already feel awful and so low

This sounds less like you want to be with the man you became close to and more like a symptom of being unhappy in your platonic marriage.

If I were you, I would address your marital issues and try to either fix that or leave the relationship so you can be happy.

Often when we aren’t happy in a relationship, the grass looks greener elsewhere and it can be all consuming but it’s not reality

H is amazing and we are happy, but things aren’t as I guess I would like them to be and I’m not sure it can be fixed. I don’t know if I would regret separating.

I really miss the person I grew close to. They offered me so much emotional support through difficult times and it’s hard being without him. I really cared for him too. I feel so sad. I feel like an idiot.

How can you have an emotional affair. Have doubts on your marriage and claim your husband is amazing and you’re happy. Surely all those statements can’t be true.

You're not an idiot. It's always hard when you meet 'one of the ones' but for whatever reason you can't be together.

You need to look after yourself and give yourself some time. Maybe your marriage isn't right, maybe it is. It's something to ponder for the future.

But don't beat yourself up. I'm sure some people on here will be harsh, but you're only human. Life isn't as simple as we'd like it to be.

Are you saying your marriage is almost platonic and that is what you want to change? I think many long-term relationships go through platonic phases, particularly in the early years of child-rearing (if you have children) and/or when the partners are focussed on, for example, building a career or caring responsibilities elsewhere. But often things can be rekindled with a bit of effort.

Unfortunately, it’s very easy to develop romantic feelings for someone else in the circumstances you describe. That person is shiny and new, and forbidden; that can be a tantalising combination. What’s unclear from your OP (and perhaps you don’t know yourself) is whether your marriage is just in a bit of a rut and can be revived or whether the problems are more fundamental and persistent. Bear in mind, though, that the grass is generally greenest where you water it. Passing attraction to others is natural (wedding vows wouldn’t be needed otherwise) but if you’re seriously indulging romantic feelings for someone else, that will interfere with your feelings for your husband.