Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you activately promote your child having a relationship with a father they're rejecting?

8 replies

FlyingFleetwood · 10/07/2024 09:54

DD is 6. Not old enough to have her views listened to by the Court.
She has had a very long period of progressed contact which is now at overnight stage. DD returns every time in a traumatised state and says she doesn't want to go. She's been kicking and screaming and clinging onto me at handovers. She tells me she misses me so much (which of course is natural and normal) and her dad isn't kind to her and says horrible things about me. Her dad is an abuser. He's emotionally and physically abused DD but managed to convince the court he's sorry and they've progressed contact. DD is now starting to reject him. Her father is coming to two events and DD has said she's not speaking to him or acknowledging him. I'm trying to acknowledge her feelings but I've said to her she can at least say hello to him then I find myself hating myself for forcing her.
DD has disclosed to school how she's felt and some of the things her dad has done. Her dad denies everything. There's been two reports to children's social care also.
We're currently still in court proceedings until the end of the year and DD has the most awful Cafcass Guardian who is completely father bias. The father can do no wrong in her eyes. I've tried to raise this to her and she's twisted the narrative as that DD knows my views on her dad and is likely not telling the truth to appease me. None of which is true. I'm very careful not to project anything onto DD. I don't speak badly about contact or her dad to her. I have encouraged her to include her dad in things such as father's day and Christmas crafts making etc. I bought a present for her to give her dad on father's day. She's never missed one contact with him..there's nothing more I can do.
I'm scared of her rejection of him now and if I force her to do anything it'll cause more damage.
I'm in an impossible position where the Guardian has threatened me twice with a transfer of residence if I cannot be seen to actively promote her dad and contact.
I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
ClaustrophobicKipper · 10/07/2024 10:01

Listen to your daughter. Don't leave her alone with him again even if that means you going with her and explain to anyone if they ask that she is traumatised and doesn't want to. You are her voice.

If that woman is so adamant dad is great she can accompany her. Refuse to allow him to be alone with her.

FlyingFleetwood · 10/07/2024 10:07

Its very difficult when there is a Court order in place. I don't feel the Guardian would support the matter going back to court for a variation of the order.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/07/2024 10:07

Many abusive men are master manipulators and in turn many people get manipulated like this female cafcass guardian.

Do you have a Solicitor?. I would also talk to both the Court, Social Care and Womens Aid as a matter of urgency about this matter too.

FlyingFleetwood · 10/07/2024 10:09

My Solicitor is preparing a response today to go to him. I've also escalated to the Guardians manager and asked him to call me back ASAP.
Her father denies absolutely everything.

OP posts:
sunflowrsngunpowdr · 10/07/2024 10:40

Can you record episodes when she cries after visiting with him as evidence? Even if it's just a voice recording it might help?

FlyingFleetwood · 10/07/2024 12:30

I think recording would get me in a lot of trouble.

OP posts:
Inthebitterend · 10/07/2024 12:36

I'm sorry you are going through something so difficult, you and your daughter. This must be a nightmare for you.

I don't have any experience with courts but there is an instagram page I follow, a woman named Kaitlyn Jorgensen - www.instagram.com/kaitlyn.jorgensen . She offers a lot of advice for women in similar situations to you - I recommend taking a look and utilising her resources if you're able to. It might not be for you but it might help, no harm in taking a look :)

Not affiliated with her in anyway btw, she is just a hard working woman who survived DA and uses her platform to help others in the same position.

fabio12 · 10/07/2024 12:46

So sorry to read this OP. Am going through Court next month because dd's(13) dad has decided to come back to the country and, after only meeting her 5 times, wants her to live with him and me to pay him maintenance. He has not paid any maintenance since she was 2.

I was astounded that the Court system have been manipulated by him into thinking an adult male should suddenly have access to a teen girl he has barely met, especially wanting full time custody. It must be costing thousands. Cafcass is clearly over run as the person. We were given is off sick and I've not even spoken to someone there yet. I doubt they've had time to see where he is living if the case has only just been looked at either. He isn't working and was in a room of a house last thing I heard but he has MH issues so unlikely to still be there (he rubs people up the wrong way, strangely!).

I'm so sorry you've got the system working against you here. It feels like something turned upside down in the last 10 years - last time he took me to court so he wouldn't have to pay me maintenance! It's all crazy and I just wanted to post in solidarity at the awful WTF feeling as you watch strangers take someone who has no true interest in your child's opinion as fact. Hugs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread