Is it bad to date older ?

[Earthsign]

I am a mother who is 24, I have my own home, car and a well paying job. I have started dating however, I am attracting men in their 30’s. My friend without children is questioning if they are too old being a nearly 10 year age gap. However, I find men my age to be just coming out of uni or very unserious about life. From experience the older men are comfortable with the idea of children, settling down and are a bit more stable. I don’t see a problem with an age gap. What are you opinions on dating older ?

Just to add I am exploring what is out there, as this is a massive journey considering they may eventually meet my child later down the line.

OP, I would go with what you feel comfortable with.

They won't necessarily be 10 years older. Date all ages, and see who you end up with. 🙏🤞

I wouldn't say a 10 year age gap is an issue. 20 years or more then yeah maybe if they end up being a long term partner they'll be in their dotage while you are in your prime. But 10 years is nowt really.

I think it is quite common to date someone older. I think it’s up to you. The only thing to consider (and perhaps not so much for you as you are still young) with a large age gap the likelihood of you being a carer for someone down the line is higher. But that is a long way off hopefully.

I have a 9 year age gap with my husband, it has always been fine. However, now we are late 40s and late 50s I can see him getting older in mindset. I can see as time goes on that he will age mentally and physically well before me. And I'm not sure how that would work.

I am attracting men in their 30’s

What do you mean by you're attracting them? How are you meeting these men?

I think your reasons for considering a relationship with an older man are valid. You seem to be at a life stage that's quite advanced for your age. However, you also have to consider why a 30 something year old man would be seeking out a 24 year old woman? It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, but it could be that these men are hoping to meet someone young and impressionable.

You'll get lots of people saying a ten year age gap is fine, and I agree, in theory. In reality, there are an awful lot of men who are specifically attracted to younger women because they hope to take advantage of them. It's scary how many 30+ year old men hold the incredibly misogynistic view that women lose their value once they hit 30. You'd need to learn how to filter out these types of pigs, which can be hard to do as they don't exactly start spouting their misogynistic views on a first date.

@yellowsmileyface Thanks for your comment I find it interesting, as maybe I’m being naiv. But I question how would they try to take advantage of someone who already has there own ?

I love older men and always have. If you like older men then go for it.

I have been in a near 20 year relationship with mine and we have a big age gap but he's utterly amazing. Never held me back. Cooks and cleans and can also do some DIY. Lots of good things about him. Loves animals and he is so sweet. He feeds the baby foxes that come around our garden every night.

As long as no power play, an age gap relationship can work for many reasons. They aren't all a perve like some seem to think on here. I was 20 when I got with my partner and he was worried about the age gap. I never was. I always had an older head and if I liked someone then that was enough for me. Go with how you feel of course but also go with your head if they will be a good fit for you.

Fine at your age but take a look around at the state of many men in their 50s and 60s.
Not so fine when you hit your 40s.

I suspect many 24 year old men would be a bit daunted by the prospect of dating a woman who already has their own home and a child, so it doesn't surprise me. They are probably looking for fun at the moment rather than wanting to settle down with children.

My husband (of 30+ years) is 10 years older than I am so obviously I think that age gap is fine, though I was a few older than you when we first got together.

Ask yourself what you want out of life. Do you want more DC's while still young, or are you happy with what you have? Do you want to keep your independence or would you accept having your career and independence affected by more DC's?
Then look at what the individual older man's situation is and if it fits in. Are they still childless and want to start a family, or do they already have DC's? You will still be faced with men who have different circumstances in their 30's. There is more to it than mental maturity, you should aim for someone who fits in with how you see your future, otherwise you could still end up with a square prg in a round hole.
Given your age, you are likely to attract men who either want their first DC's, or feel they have messed up first time around and want a 2nd chance at it, or you could get the man who doesn't want DC's particularly and likes that you've already done that.
Beware, I've dated men who have had DC's who turned out to be awful with children. Just because they've had them, doesn't mean they are any good at it, often it can be why they are single.

There would be single dads in your age though who had to grow up quick Up to 34 fine but 39 is too much.
Having your own is less intimidating if it's council or housing assistance but more tempting for dossers and cocklodgers to move in quickly.
I think a well adjusted man in his 30s would want a woman older than you. You have baggage but you're still 24 at the end of the day. Keep looking for reasonable single dads in their 20s.

Well, perhaps one of the most common ways that a power imbalance can present in age gap relationships, is that the older partner can sometimes assume an authoritative position. They may become controlling by insisting that they know better about relationships because of their age and experience, they might then imply that the younger partner is being stubborn and immature if they argue with this stance. So essentially, they might try to take advantage of the younger partner's lack of relationship experience and life experience in general (relative to the older partner) in order to assert control and push boundaries.

I'm not saying that this happens in all age gap relationships and that this would happen to you, it's just something to be aware of.

There’s a lot of negative talk on this thread. It’s interesting that the talk is around 24 year old female dating an 30+ man. It’s even been suggested that a 10 year age gap is suitable.

I’m 73 and a single widower, I have my own house a good pension, I’m mobile and have plenty of time on my hands. I can offer a lot to a lady friend. Yet I’m being written off because I’m to old. There is unfair talk about growing old unfortunately and what could happen, that’s life.
When I married my wife 46 year I had expected to live long and grow old with her, unfortunately that was not the case she had a heart attack and died in early December last year.
Since then I signed up to a couple of dating sites which I feel is a waste of time I have read many ladies profiles between the age of 60 and 70 and responded to them. I can count on one hand the number of responses I’ve had. I suspect most of the women on the internet don’t know what they want and are frightened to respond. I think they talk to their friends about being lonely and the friends suggest they go on a dating site.
Some of the threads here talk about misogynists and men taking advantage of young women. I’m none of these I love and respect women maybe worship them. I held my wife in high regard and supported her with everything she did.
Over the past months I’ve thought long and hard about the future. As houses become more expensive and bringing up children becomes harder due to pressures of the “me to” syndrome. Young women may need to reconsider
getting married and consider older men for security and a home.
I would say to any ladies out there between the age of 60 and 70 looking for a partner don’t right of men in their early 70’s. 70 is the new 55 forget the stereo types and give them a chance who knows what your missing.