How do I top "that" Birthday gift???

[BeenThereAlready]

Need advice! Last year, by husband was unfaithful. It happened two days before his birthday. In my mind, it was a birthday gift to himself. It has been a hard year for me dealing and digesting what has happened. That "anniversary" is coming up. I dont know what to do for his birthday!!!! How will I ever be able to top that gift? We have been together for 20 years, married for 18. Do i plan a surprise party, an intimate get together, buy him some condoms or just do nothing this year?

Doesn't sound like you should be with him really. Maybe give his present to yourself- freedom from a cheating wanker

Divorce papers?

Well you’ve either decided to forgive his infidelity in which case it’s probably counter productive to bring it back up again or you haven’t in which case why are you still together?
Weird.
I haven’t been in this position before but I always think I’d never forgive or forget so wouldn’t continue the relationship once the trust had gone.

👏

Well you’ve either decided to forgive his infidelity in which case it’s probably counter productive to bring it back up again or you haven’t in which case why are you still together?

This. And, therefore, you either do whatever you've done in the past for his birthday, or you leave him.

He is remorseful and ashamed of what he did to me and the kids. He is seeing a therapist. We are tryig to work things out. And yes, I am an overthinker. Maybe because they still work together, which is not helping, but he can not leave the company now due to finances. It is just so screwed up.

I think you do nothing at all. You are still healing . It takes time. You can't think of anything to 'top' last year ... you are not over it yet . He doesn't deserve any celebration, apart from fact you haven't left him x

☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

Taking aside what I think you should do, I would go for a quiet family meal or whatever the kids want

No parties

A year is a short time for recovery from that kind of betrayal so it's not surprising you aren't there yet, and it's fine to continue to try to rebuild or to decide you can't, and to separate, on your own time schedule not anyone else's. Do what you would normally do or explain (in a session with the therapist if it's easier) that you are feeling upset with the anniversary and you are finding it difficult.

why don’t you get yourself all dolled up and wait for him to come home so he thinks he’s getting something…

then leave and go meet your friends / someone ;)

your husband is a tosser and you cannot let him get away with infidelity just because it was two days before his birthday.

Hi OP
that’s really tough…I’ve been there (reconciling after affair) as someone else said, a year is still very early in your recovery from it.
I think something low key. The first birthday my DP had after I found out we had a meal with his parents, his sister and her husband. The parents knew and were supportive of us doing reconciliation, sister and husband didn’t know
it was just a nice meal. I didn’t feel pressured to make any big declarations like a holiday or an event and my DP got to feel support from his family.
which even though he had been a cheating arsehole, he really needed.
because I had chosen to reconcile (at that point….it can be revoked at any time!) I needed to accept that I couldn’t punish him forever by witholding the things that give us pleasure and enjoyment as a couple. I knew that would only breed resentment in me and the relationship. Took time and therapy though!
best wishes x

I'd probably get him a token gift from the kids (if they're that young) and a card but I don't think I'd buy anything else. He needs to understand what he's done to you.
Oh and money or not, I'd be absolutely pissed that they're still working together!