Invited to a do, but

[Notaninch]

There's a chance of bumping into an abusive ex there. Long story short, I went NC 3 months back. It was an on off situation. He's gone on a smear campaign since. Looking back, while we were together he gaslighted me, intimidated me, humiliated and belittled me, ghosted, triangulated, you name it. He is known to the people going, but is not friends or 'invited', they nothing of the abuse. He's just likely to be at the venue. Basically he's a deranged narc/sociopath/vile individual.

For the purpose of the do, I would like to go. But should I because I want NC for the rest of my life, but being put in this dilemma kind of makes me feel isolated. What would you do?

My username says it all, I don't want to him give an inch, not an iota.

I've done some digging on SM and it appears that he has several inactivate accounts and possibly a history of harassing exes. I'm really concerned that even with reporting him, he won't stop but just keep ramping up it up through different means of manipulation.

Even in the recent message, he's gasighted and made sure for it to come off as a check in and to reconnect. He repulses me - at one time I was seriously attracted to him! I do wonder if him wanting to meet up with me again is him trying to keep face to fit in with the narrative of his original, ongoing smear campaign.

I am sorry to hear that. It sounds like he massively took advantage of you when you were drunk but your fear is justified.

I would say continue to ignore him. If he continues to try to engage with you, tell him that you wish to have no contact. If it continues, go to the police - at some point it crosses over into harassment and you have every right to make a complaint. It was in fact this that finally pushed my SIL to complain about her ex - he took to accosting her places. All very public, theoretically very safe, but she realised she felt so scared and intimidatd. The police took it extremely seriously and, in fact, a couple of older incidents were flagged by them as particularly concerning - she'd sort of brushed past those.

Do not allow him to make you housebound. sadly, it may well be that you have to be a bit careful about getting drunk - so ridiculous as you shoudln't have to, but sometimes what should be happening and what we have to do aren't the same thing - and stay in public places when you think you will see him. If he follows you at any point, report him. Tell your friends that you are scared and why. If at any point someone says, "well, he says you led him into the bushes" respond with, "if it was so consensual, why is he feeling the need to tell everyone about it."