Sorry; quite long but here goes.
Married with 1 DC together.
Ten years ago I met someone on a night out. It was a drunken kiss and a cuddle in the nightclub. We exchanged numbers and I was horrified to find out he’d lied about his age and was in fact only 18 to my 21. We got on so well despite my reservations and he kept wanting to meet me. We texted every single night and eventually said “I love you”. However we were both young and I was non commital, he was 18, good looking young guy wanting to probably sleep around a bit. In fact he told me he did. In time I met someone, he figured it out, told me part of him would always love me and I told him the same. New guy cheated then I met DH shortly after. For a while we remained friends then he messaged me on Facebook one day and I panicked, blocked him with no explanation. Silently unblocked him at some point (can’t remember when).
Flash forward to Friday. I was on fb messenger for the first time in years as an acquaintance had sent me a message. I looked through my messages and sent a big stupid blue thumbs up to him by accident. I panicked and deleted it. He popped up a fee
minutes later asking if everything was ok as he’d seen a deleted message. I said yes and then apologised for ghosting him all those years ago, said I didn’t deserve him at the time. Told him I was married, not trying to pursue him romantically and hoped he was having a great life. He said not to be silly and that I was always delightful and always kind. He was so kind that it made me well up. I said thank you, appreciated his time and that he was a lovely person. And ever since this happened I can’t look at DH the same way which is horrible to say. I’m feeling like an idiot, distracted by thoughts of him like a love struck teenager. It’s brought all my feelings for the original guy back and highlighted all of the problems I’ve had with DH which I now cannot stop thinking about. I’ve suggested separating due his unreasonable behaviour (thoughts of this sparked by me stupidly contacting this man). My husband is a good man, there ls a reason why we are together, we have a child together. However he can be cruel, distant and emotionally abusive. Now I’m stuck in this endless comparison between my idea of someone I don’t even know and my everyday husband who is flawed but not evil.
I know I need a good slap. I know I don’t know this man and we won’t be in contact again.I just want some motivation for one last go with my marriage. He’s agreed to talk things through in order for us to give it one last try. I know I’m being very ridiculous comparing someone I have met once with my husband. I was just touched at how “there” he was for me in comparison to my husband who ignores my messages half the time. As for contacting my “ex”, my DH admitted to me that he had contacted an ex that things ended on bad terms with years ago, I didn’t have a problem with it and this is genuinely not a tit for tat thing. Not my relationship and not my business.
Any advice on where the heck to go from here would be appreciated. TIA.