Anyone else noticed this on dating apps?

[pinksunsets]

People unmatching you if don't reply fast enough? It's happened to me a few times and it's starting to piss me off. I have a life, I'm not just hanging around waiting to chat to these men. And it's usually the guy who sets the tone by not replying for a few hours so I think he'll be fine waiting a few hours for my reply. Not in a game playing way but because I've gone to bed or I'm at work!

For eg the last guy I spoke to we were chatting a lot on Sunday night, he replied to something I said at 11pm (after he waited a few hours to reply), I wanted to go to bed so I waited until the night evening after work to reply. Nothing from him until this morning so I thought I'll just message him after work only to discover I've been unmatched! Just want to stress I'm not invested in him at all, just annoyed at how impatient these guys are and wanting to vent!

If the conversation isn't flowing it's fair enough that he'd unmatch. If you wanted to go to bed why not say that to him rather than leaving it two days to reply

This was a big thing for me when on the apps (I am a guy).

Never understood why people matched and didnt message. Also while I know we have busy lives - work, kids, social etc. - it really doesn't take much to send a quick message. What annoyed me is when someone would message at sat 8pm, I would reply, I would then get a reply at 6pm next day, I would reply, then another reply 24 hours later. So hard to have a conversation.

Someone did this to me recently, we had been messaging quite a bit for about a week then I got a stomach bug, told him I was really unwell and didn't message him for maybe a day and he unmatched me. I saw it as a bullet dodged tbh. Also find it quite passive aggressive when they could just leave the chat open.

I didn't wait 2 days. It was the day after. He messaged me at 11pm when a lot of people would be in bed already after waiting a few hours to reply to my message. I didn't then flip out and unmatch him, I assumed he had a life and was busy doing stuff.

I would have been up for chatting last night when I messaged him back but he only got back to me this morning. @FloydPink I would find it hard too if it was 24 hours in between messages!

And yes very pass agg behaviour @Iggityziggety. I do also think to myself that I've dodged a bullet if they can't even wait a few hours for a reply (usually after they've done the same thing themselves).

Bullet dodged tbh.
I never had notifications on while I was on OLD sites as I didn’t want them flashing up while i was showing kids/customers etc things on my phone.or even on a date and having Tinder flash up on my screen! I’d only see messages when I decided to go onto the app so often got unmatched in between times. I figured those men were either not interested (ie after the first initial chat they’d actually looked at my profile instead of just replying as they’d finally got a match!) or they were impatient and expected to be my priority before we’d even met. Neither is what I’m looking for in a man, so the trash took itself out.

I don't often block, but one I did sent messages demanding to know why I hadn't been responding, when one of my earlier messages that day had said I was due a very busy day at work and wouldn't be able to use my phone.

I figure if they're that impatient and don't realise I have a life already and need some sleep <ignores clock as typing> - better to find out early on. Them unmatching saves me from doing it.

@pinksunsets just to say I experienced this as well. Unmatched if say I hadn’t replied within what I think fairly short period. Could have been on a flight or something 🤣 passive aggressive behaviour

I think I read somewhere that tinder unmatch if you don't contact each other within a certain length of time after matching. I could be talking crap here but it might be the app and not the man doing the unmatching. If it's not then yeah it's becoming a 'thing' as I've been unmatched for not replying quickly enough

Considering the average OLD site is 75% men, competition is fierce.

Theres lots of things that could have happened, like her finding you guilty of one of the three S's (Short, skint or sensible).

I had one a few months ago who sent me a message while I was out shopping. Within an hour he sent another saying ‘hello are you there?’ Then another 30 minutes later ‘?????????!!’

Then after about another 30 minutes I got ‘another typical woman only wants likes for attention’

I saw these messages when I got home so replied ‘I was out actually I’m not glued to my phone 24/7’ to which he replied ‘rude!! I’ve dodged a bullet with you’

I replied 👍 and blocked

Seriously can you imagine dating this bloke and not replying instantly

I also met a bloke in a pub last year and we swapped numbers. The following morning before I was even up he’d sent me several messages and 2 selfies at work. I was in office that day and busy. That morning he sent 5/6 increasingly frantic ‘are you there?’ Messages. I sent a very brief ‘I’m at work I’m busy’ reply. Then at about 4pm after another 3/4 messages he tried to call me and left VM asking if I was ok as he’d not heard from me all day’

I sent a very calm message saying he was bombarding me so please stop it. He then tried to call again and left a VM telling me why I’d hit him wrong followed by an essay the length of war and peace mainsplaining why he wasn’t bombarding me - I deleted and blocked. This was within 24 hours of chatting up the bar!!

It seems patience isn’t some men’s strong point

Had a good share of it in my good old OLD days and so did all of my friends. I would say this type of character would also show up in any potential future relationship- controlling, possessive etc. Very likely shows low esteem and low confidence too! Nothing attractive! After a few first texts you are still strangers, you have lives and conversations with other people too. If someone wants to move faster - set up a date in a respectful manner and don't bombard with tons of messages !

This.

I have never minded a needy/impatient guy blocking me first.

It’s the trash taking itself out.

I remember I guy I matched with OLD. We had a chat over a few days. Arranged a date, swapped numbers. Continued to low key text. Day of date he asked to reschedule due to car issues, but he did suggest another day. I agreed, but bit suspicious. Continued to text few times a day.

I got no reply from one Message, except 24 hours later he accused me of gold digging and not being interested as I didn’t text him. Did point out we were strangers that had agreed to meet next day and it was his turn to reply. He just went mental over text saying I was using him and he left it a day to reply to see if I was interested in him. Blocked him.

Also had another guy who just kept sending selfies with little chat. I tried a conversation but he sent a selfie. I let that fizzle out as it was only a day of chatting, was meaning to text but thought later. He then texted me a day later to say I was rude for not replying and was very nasty. I blocked him. He then contacted me on normal text to verbally abuse me.

there is no hope

I was very briefly chatting to a bloke who replied to every message with ‘you’re gorgeous’ and an emoji. Literally didn’t answer any questions or make any conversation just sent ❤️ or 🌹non stop.

I lost interest very quickly then after 2/3 days gap he messaged again asking if I’d ghosted him. I replied I need better communication than a few emojis and he replied ‘ok babe but you are gorgeous ❤️’ at which point I unmatched

It might not be that you took too long to respond but rather that the conversation isn't flowing at all. My preference on the apps is to have some light hearted banter (though I hate that word) which wouldn't work if either party is taking hours to respond. I find a question and answer hours apart session very boring so would unmatch based on that.

But yes, I've had 'I take it our date is off then' when I didn't respond for a few hours once. I said 'well it is now, I have no interest in a man who throws his toys out of the pram because I go on a bike ride with my daughter, before we've even met.'

That is super weird and off putting!

I had the same once with a younger guy who kept on sending me topless shots! I never ever reciprocated or asked for them. I'm usually too lazy to unlatch but I did with this one.

Exactly, just ask for a date if you're that impatient!