Can’t afford house if we seperate

[Kelamo]

Sadly I feel like things are just going more downhill with husband of 10 years. We have 2 young children together, one has learning difficulties and can be a handful.

We live in a really nice house, husband has a very good job, I work part time due to the kids so don’t bring in much money. About £1,200 a month. The mortgage alone is £1,400. Never mind all the other bills. I get DLA for our son.

I know it sounds terrible but if we seperate I don’t think I’d get the house as I wouldn’t be able ti afford it and we’d prob have to sell and split the money anyway. I’d be gutted to have to go to a much smaller house and leave my dream house. Also the fear of money being tight and just not even being able to afford anything. I’d need furniture and all sorts.

How do single parents manage on low incomes. I don’t know what/if I’d be entitled to anything to help. I couldn’t afford a mortgage even in a small house and all the bills, food everything on my salary.
How does everyone do it?

It’s difficult to give any advice like this but I’ve you spoken to a solicitor?

*have you spoken

Dream house is hell with a H in it, so sell it and buy another that you can financially cope with so you can be free. Material possessions are worthless if you can't be free because of them.

Good quality furniture can be found in charity shops and on Freecycle but could you have the basics from the marital home? You only really need beds, sofa, white goods, pots and pans at first.

Go on a benefits website to see if you would qualify for any extra help as a single parent.

Don't be bogged down with dream house or a 50 inch TV or a £5K sofa. You really can't put a price on that feeling of peace but if you are struggling to let this dream house go then maybe you aren't ready to leave yet. And that's fine. Just start planning and dreaming so when you are actually ready you can leave almost immediately.

What are the issues in your marriage? I don't advocate divorce unless all avenues havd been explored, unless there is abuse/affairs or addiction.

Separation is doable but life with be more difficult financially. Realistically you might have to sell the house as both parties need to be able to house the dc.

However a split depends on assets such as pensions..your H might prefer to give you more equity for pension.

Generally it's extremely tough at the outset to go from 2 incomes to one but usually over time it improves. Will you be able to increase your income if your H has the children several days a week?

Have you looked at universal credit? Do you know what benefits you'd be entitled to?

We (children and i) are very tight for money but have a lovely calm, happy home. The same as you had a high earning partner and lovely big house. Now have a small house and my low paid job. I get child maintenance and topped up with benefits.

Don't forget child maintenance. Get on their website to do a quick calculation based on who will be having the majority care of the dc.

Well, that's the reality for many divorced parents. We've just had to accept that the house we used to live in was no longer affordable. I moved with my son into a little flat. Never once regretted getting divorced.

Keep in mind that small can also be nicely decorated, easier to heat, cosy, and most importantly all yours and free of asshole husbands. Do do a budget and speak to a solicitor so you can plan rather than just thinking and worrying in a vacuum.

What if you don't separate? Is a dream house worth more than a calm base for your life?

In the divorce/separation section there is a post entitled: Things I've noticed since the divorce. It is well worth a read.

@AutumnFroglets advice that 'material possessions are worthless if you can't be free because of them'

absolutely hits the nail on the head.