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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How has this happened?!

12 replies

roses321 · 09/07/2024 16:55

I came out of a really horrible breakup about a year ago, was engaged, bought a house and thought that life was going to be great. Except it wasn't, because my relationship was toxic and I was in denial. Long story short, I left and went to live in a house share. It was horrible, i've had a very long healing process from it and I have had little to no interest in men in any romantic capacity whatsoever. The whole situation was traumatising and nasty, and I couldn't have thought of anything worse than ANOTHER man in my life shitting over my peace.

A year later life is actually pretty ace. I have hobbies, friends, plenty of time alone and even a solo trip booked. I'm also in the best shape of my life!

I've been on a few dates during the last year, very half hearted, most of them were ok actually, but I didn't really feel any kind of connection.

One particular guy I went on a date with in April seemed nice, I even took him a sunflower seedling because he said he loved plants, and I had a ton of these seedlings spare. Date was ok, went to various bars, I bought most of the drinks which didn't impress me much. He asked to see me again, I said sure, but he never got around to organising anything and I eventually said i wasn't interested which he seemed suprised about.

Fast forward 8 weeks, and I randomly get a message from him with a photo of the sunflower I gave him, he then asked if I was free that evening for a drink. I decided to go, it was a hot day, I was bored, why not. He bought a bottle of wine for us and we had a nice evening together, despite the fact I was a little tipsy because I don't really drink. He kissed me and I probably foolishly walked home with him in the dark... he was very respectful but I do admit it was a bit of a silly thing to do.

I lived in one direction and him in the other about 5 minutes away, so we went our seperate ways, he checked I got back ok and then I didn't hear from him for 4 days. When I did hear from him he asked if I'd like to spend more time with him, I was fine with it but a bit peeved with the lack of contact for 4 days, but whatever, I didn't really care either way that much. He's text me every now and then since for the last couple of weeks. I haven't made the effort to see him again because I wasn't really bothered.

Anyway... I have literally NO idea what has happened but apparently over night, I've suddenly developed a MAJOR crush on this guy. No idea what has caused it, where it's come from or what the actual eff, but it's almost like I've spent time percolating on this date and suddenly decided that this guy is super hot and i want to see him again. This is coming from someone who honestly wanted all men to get in the bin, had zero patience for them and could not be arsed to go to bed with one of them because it would be too much hassle. But now apparently all that has changed out of absolutely nowhere.

This guy has never been disrespectful towards me, never made a single lewd comment towards me either and has done nothing to warrant the weird reaction i've suddenly developed. I cannot stop thinking about him.

Has this happened to anyone else?? I just find it really really weird. I guess this means I am over my ex then!!

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 09/07/2024 16:59

Hormones? I think people can grow on you too.

Notsogood24 · 09/07/2024 17:03

Omg. I am.in a similar situation right now. I've developed a huge crush verging on obsession. I'll not go into too much details but it's a guy I was crushing on. We are are both married. He made some flirty comments to me and now.im like obsessed. Cannot stop thinking about him. Making up scenarios etc etc. it maybe be a normal crush but I posted on here the other night and a few posters mentioned the term limerence. Look it up.

roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:17

Yeah i'm familiar with limerance, and it is definitely that. Majorly. I'm trying to get ahold of myself here because seriously I would throw myself at this guy. But it is WEIRD because I was completely unbothered until recently, and it isn't even like i saw him and then it happened. I saw him two weeks ago and suddenly overnight my mindset on him changed.

I just find it odd as hell. Annoying as well because this is the kind of thing that gets you in trouble!!

OP posts:
roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:17

Apileofballyhoo · 09/07/2024 16:59

Hormones? I think people can grow on you too.

I think he might have!!

OP posts:
Notsogood24 · 09/07/2024 17:20

roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:17

Yeah i'm familiar with limerance, and it is definitely that. Majorly. I'm trying to get ahold of myself here because seriously I would throw myself at this guy. But it is WEIRD because I was completely unbothered until recently, and it isn't even like i saw him and then it happened. I saw him two weeks ago and suddenly overnight my mindset on him changed.

I just find it odd as hell. Annoying as well because this is the kind of thing that gets you in trouble!!

Ah mate. Honestly I know how you feel! It's like a horrible obsessive want/need. I've spent the last weeks thinking about this guy non stop, imagining scenarios etc etc I don't know why. I fancy him alot but I don't want to be worth him. I'm married and I love my partner. I'm not sure why you've developed this reaction but I really hope you can calm it down before it gets to the stage that I'm at. It's anxiety filled and I almost feel heartbroken over the fact I want him so badly but can't have.
Feel free to message if you want a chat!

HousedInMySoul · 09/07/2024 17:33

Are you ovulating?

JustCleaningtheBBQ · 09/07/2024 17:33

You may find when you do see him again, the spell is broken? You've been able to build this up a bit because you haven't seen him for a while. Maybe imagine him picking his nose and farting, or going into the toilet after him when he's just had a dump and not opened the window? If you still feel sexy about him after that, he may be a keeper 😁

Seriously though, see if he wants to meet up and how it all goes. He seems quite casual in his approach so may be dating others too?

roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:35

HousedInMySoul · 09/07/2024 17:33

Are you ovulating?

I track and yes! Should I just ride this one out? I can't say I've ever had it this bad but is that a thing? I did suspect it may be that, do you think it is?

OP posts:
roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:36

JustCleaningtheBBQ · 09/07/2024 17:33

You may find when you do see him again, the spell is broken? You've been able to build this up a bit because you haven't seen him for a while. Maybe imagine him picking his nose and farting, or going into the toilet after him when he's just had a dump and not opened the window? If you still feel sexy about him after that, he may be a keeper 😁

Seriously though, see if he wants to meet up and how it all goes. He seems quite casual in his approach so may be dating others too?

Yeah he is, he actually showed me his tinder on our date... I was not concerned and i even matched with a few people for him and sent them messages. He was a bit taken aback but i really did not care. I CARE NOW. WHY DID I DO THAT! lol!

OP posts:
HousedInMySoul · 09/07/2024 20:59

roses321 · 09/07/2024 17:35

I track and yes! Should I just ride this one out? I can't say I've ever had it this bad but is that a thing? I did suspect it may be that, do you think it is?

It won't do any harm to not make any sudden moves, and see if you still feel the same in a few days!

HousedInMySoul · 09/07/2024 21:00

I've found myself suddenly attracted to people I know well, but have never been into before, then realised it was ovulation time

Julyshouldbesunny · 09/07/2024 21:01

He might be growing on you.
Remember warts can too....

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