I was raised by my dad and only saw my mum for half of every second Christmas holiday. My brother and I lived with my dad and my half brother and sister lived with my mum. Looking back, their life was a disaster, my half sister told me my mum kicked my half brother out of the house when he was 9 and he lived on the streets on and off until he became an adult. She also had a string of abusive relationships. When I was a teen, mum and I reconnected and I lived with her for around a year before I moved back in with my dad. She has always been a hard person to get along with. Fast forward to now, I’m 47 and have 4 wonderful children ranging from mid 20’s to 17 and a beautiful little grand daughter who’s almost 4. My mum has no relationship with any of her children or her 17 grandchildren or great grand children. I’ve always felt sorry for her because she tells me she’s lonely and no one has anything to do with her so I’ve always tried to call her daily and visit her with my kids and grand daughter when I can. (My kids don’t like her either and two of my kids refuse to see her).
My daughter and her husband recently had a still birth at 33 weeks. I called my mum and asked her to come to the funeral. She lives around 1.5 hours away and has a car. She told me her car’s unreliable and I’d have to pick her up. I didn’t really want to leave my daughter so I asked my mum via text message if she could come with my Aunty in her car and she said no. She said she’d be there in spirit and not to make it bigger than it has to be. I haven’t replied to her, and she hasn’t contacted me. It’s been about month now. No call, no text. Not even a card or bunch of flowers for my daughter who was the only grand child (Out of 18 grand kids) who spoke to her. Right before it all happened my mum told me she’s started talking to my brother And his family again. She told him no one in the family speaks to her and she’s lonely… so it seems as though she’s dumped me during one of the hardest and saddest times of my life, when I’ve lost my second grand child. Her absence was obviously very hurtful but not surprising. After everything I’ve done for her, put up with her argumentative personality, biting my tongue and saying nothing to keep the peace with her over the years because I thought she was lonely and couldn’t help the way she was… not coming to her great grandson’s funeral is unforgivable now. Not sending a text message or a phone call to my daughter to express her sympathy is unforgivable and not being here to support me through this is also unforgivable. She’s not a mother and even though she seems to have dumped me, If the time ever arises where she contacts me, I’ll never speak to her again. I often wonder if my mother is a narcissist and she’s now getting her narcissistic supply from my brother and his family? She walked away from me and mine very easily.