Would she want a realtionship

[david1979]

Apologies for jumping on to here, I was after a bit of advice, I have been a single father for a few years and have main care giving duties.

I have been single for a good few years because I wanted to focus on my son after my ex left us. I now feel ready for a relationship again.

There is a friend who I would love to date, to be honest the moment I met her at work (we work in a huge organisation and she works in a totally different department), I thought she was stunning and a really kind person. This was pre covid, 2019, she has been single for years and at the time was going through solo adoption and so I did not want to ask her for a date then as I knew she was focused on her adoption process.

Fast fwd to now she has a lovely daughter and they have built a loving home, we are good friends and meet up on a fairly regular basis for walks etc, usually with kids in toe. We then meet at work on occasion as we both now work remotely. We have a lot in common and get on really well.

I know she had a terrible experience with an ex years ago and had been single most of her life. She has mentioned dating recently she bought it up in conversation and asked if I was thinking about dating, she said she could not be bothered, because of the effort of having to get to know someone etc, dress up and date.

Not sure if she is singnally she is is not interested in dating, I would love to tell her how I feel, but not sure if I should or how I could. Out of work I only see her with her daughter and often my little one and then at work it does not seem right to have that conversation.

Any tips on how I should tell her or even if I should.

Be honest, tell her you've been thinking about it for a while and would really like to take her on a date. If she says no, I hope you will be able to remain friends without it being awkward.
But just go for it.

I actually think she might be testing the water. She has said she doesn't want the effort of dressing up to meet people etc but as she already knows you and presumably likes you she is now trying to find out if you are on the market for dating in general. Seems quite hinty to me.

Could you suggest meeting up sometime without the kids or would you both not be able to get childcare for that?

She's probably thinking should I ask him out.

She may well sussing out if you are in principle thinking about dating.
she may well feel the same as you.
Or she may not.
I’d ask her….

Either way, whatever you decide, please come back and update us 😊

Agree!!

Another vote for she's testing the water; from what you say, I don't think she'd turn you down. Please keep us posted.🙂

Take your chance, just ask but make sure she knows if it's a no you'd still love to stay friends

I would be honest that you've liked her and are in the place of being ready to date and wanted to ask her out. I think a degree of showing your feelings is good. Good luck!

This sounds lovely. You may get some posters on here telling you not to put yourself at risk of spoiling the friendship if she doesn't feel the same way but I don't agree.

There is a way you can do it subtly I think without the friendship being over if the feeling isn't mutual.

I have been single for a while and have ditched on line dating. It's a horror show. If there was someone that I already knew who I had feelings for I would absolutely go for it.

Good luck 🤞

Maybe

How do you feel about a non kids outing some time? I don't mind if you don't want to get too dressed up!

If not that's ok. Let's keep hanging out with our kids..

Or something

I’m very invested in this, ask her to go out just the two of you, and don’t you dare even think of not coming back and updating this thread

Definitely ask her! If you’re not sure how to ask without the children there, can you plan to go for lunch somewhere one day when you’re both at the office? Use that opportunity to tell her how you feel. You could tell her how much you enjoy her company and that you’d love for it to be more but if she’s not in the same place you still want to be friends.

As others have said, her conversation with you suggests she may be fishing to find out if you’d be up for a relationship. Not wanting to bother with the dating scene is different to going out with a friend you already know and trust….

@david1979

Do keep us updated. I definitely think you should. Good luck if you do

Hi All

Thanks for the kind comments and that has re affirmed my thoughts. I will definitely tell her how I feel.

We have a coffee in work soon, but that might be a bit odd to tell her there depending on various factors. Rather say in person though.

Promise to keep you posted.

Eeeek good luck 😉

I think she's testing the waters!! Good luck!

Don't do it over coffee as it's too intense.

Suggest going for a walk at lunchtime with her (when it's not raining!!) and ask her out.

Just be honest, tell her how you feel, and ask her whether she'd like to go out for dinner.

Good luck 👍 💓

Yeah, I was thinking coffee might be a bit intense. It's difficult outside of work to meet up without kids as we are both single parents and rely on a small support network. Obviously don't want to raise on a walk with them even when they charge ahead.

Would it be a stupid idea to follow up with a text after our next coffee saying I would like to take things further than just friends?

Go for a walk after coffee. Then you are kid free but also you don't have to stare at each other- you are both walking. It's like having a tricky conversation in the car

Not sure the text is a good idea. Its a bit impersonal somehow and personally I want to see the look on her face - abject horror or a wide smile and sparkling eyes!
Is there a coffee shop and a walk afterwards?

Can you just say on a walk with the kids…you really enjoy spending time with her and does she fancy going for a drink some time. I wouldn’t bombard with your feelings as such initially because you don’t want to spoil the friendship in case not reciprocated (but agree she may feel the same about you in all honesty)
if you casually ask her for a drink, then you can see how it goes without the pressure…so not quite a date but still the opportunity to make something of it.
do not do it by text.

So an update. I think it's a no.

Had coffee at work the other day, too wet to go for a stroll. Obviously being in the office coffee shop I felt it was wrong to say directly how I feel as colleagues around and I didn't want her to feel awkward at work.

I suggested maybe we did something kid fee together as I enjoy her company. Her response was she only gets one night child free when she goes to the grandparents and she needs that as decompress time on her own which I get being a single parent.

But can't help think if she was interested she would say. But then again I didn't ask directly because of the situation.

Yeah I’d take that as a no tbh. If she fancied you she’d take the opportunity rather than being at home alone “decompressing”. I’d have leapt at the chance of a date when I was parenting 6/7 days a week!