Mother in abusive relationship with my father

[penguinman4939]

Hi all,

I am posting this on behalf of my mother who is having a tough time with my father. I am looking for any advice considering her current circumstances.

• Mother and father together for ~25 years; around 4 months ago we discovered that he was having an affair with lady from his work. Both have a joint mortgage on property and look after a child.
• Mother wants father to move out, but he refuses and wants a substantial overpayment for his equity in the property, so substantial that it is unaffordable. My mother gave a reasonable offer and he declined.
• We have reached a stalemate - father doesn't want to be bought out; he doesn't agree to the house being sold; doesn't want to move out - he maintains that he 'owns' the house and has a right to be there.
• Father also does not want to pay for my mother's part of equity.
• See note 1 below.
• Father wants to move in with his new partner, but wants to maintain his residency and equity and his current house. My mother does not agree to this.
• Father already said he will not be paying any child maintenance for their child.
• He is also very aggressive to the point where I cannot even have a sensible conversation with him about this situation.
• The last four months my mother's mental health has taken a massive toll due to the constant lying, proactive, and abusive behaviour from my father. My theory is that he wants to "mentally manipulate" her so that she becomes mentally unstable so that he will "inherit" everything.

Note 1 - my mother's salary may not be enough to take on the mortgage, therefore I will have to chip in. Furthermore, my father has created credit cards on her name without her knowledge on permission, therefore her credit score is severely low and the lender may not allow her to remortgage.

Note 2 - my father runs an organised crime "business". I believe that this combined with the identity theft and fraud highlighted in note 1, this could get his charged and arrested. In this situation, literally everyone loses.

Any advice on what to do will be greatly appreciated. As you can see, we have no way forward apart from going to the police where everyone loses.

Many thanks!

She needs legal advice.
She needs to gather all financial evidence eg pension, investments, savings, earnings, price of house
She needs to sell the house if she can't afford to pay for it
She needs to contact CMS regarding child maintenance
She needs to check her financial details on Experion and find out exactly what debt she has
She needs to speak to the National Debt helpline regarding the credit cards
She needs to use a benefit calculator to see what she's entitled to
She needs to seek advice from a domestic abuse organisation should his behaviour escalate

I hope that helps

Yes to all the previous sdvice. Stop arguing with him snd plan on forcing the divorce and sale of the asset. You will never get his consent to anything. You are describing a basically sociopathic criminal personality type so he cannot be reasoned with, show empathy, or engage in good faith negotiations. Now that he dies not want or need your mother he will discard her and the shared child as of no value.

Sounds like domestic abuse. she needs to see a solicitor urgently and seek an injunction to remove him from the property and either force a sale or him to buy her out. Make sure she gets a solicitor with proven experience in dealing with domestic abuse. If you contact your local women's aid they should be able to recommend one.

Good luck. Sounds horrific!

This is coercive control and a police matter.
Gather as much information as possible.
She needs a good solicitor so contacting Women's aid for advice and a recommendation is her first step.
A forensic accountant will track any money he has hidden.
She needs to be prepared to fight and involve the police if necessary.
You can help by giving a statement corroborating her statement.

The mans a prat.

He's an offender.

Generally they get caught because they piss someone off and get dobbed in

Get round The Police Station and dob him in, you should be welcomed with open arms