Marriage

[Jsw2111]

Is it wrong of me to want to leave my significant other for not proposing to me? especially after being with him for 3 years and having a child you think he would want to commit. I try to talk to him about our future but it seems he’s always easily offended and he always says “I’m working on it.” I just don’t see how he talks about spending his money on other things or other goals like (toys) to benefit himself but not our family. He always makes excuses like “I can’t afford it” or things like that but it’s not about the money and there have been people up there that have done it with little to no cost. He always says “you keep picking at the scab”

Ach, this is why every thread on this subject on here recommends to women that they get married prior to having babies.

why can't you propose to him? has he said his long term plan is? or is that just yours? was it a joint idea to have children or was that a happy accident?

If he says you keep picking at the scab, is he bad at choosing appropriate metaphors or is he implying a wound of some sort that needs to heal before you can move into marriage? I would say nothing about it for 6 months, enjoy life, and if in 6 months' time with you never mentioning it once he hasn't proceeded, end it if that's what you want, but maybe also do some work on why it feels so important to you. Some people don't see marriage as an important way of demonstrating love, some people do; you may be simply mismatched in this regard and you can choose whether that's acceptable to you or not.

Do you want to get married OP? Your relationship doesn't sound great

If your thinking of leaving as he won’t propose its doesn’t sound like it’s a great relationship

Depends if you’re financially secure on your own I guess

He said it’s what he wants but I’m not sure if he’s just saying that to keep me around. Having a baby with him was a happy accident

It seems pretty clear that he doesn't want to get married, OP.

Have you started thinking about protecting yourself and your child?
What are the living arrangements?
What are the financial arrangements?

What Shrub Rose wrote. He does not want to be married to you.

Does this child have his surname?.

We both live with him

Yes my child has his last name. I thought we would be past this stage and I felt good about my son having his last name at the time.

I mean 3 years isn't really that long to be together and be kicking off about a lack of proposal in my books tbh!

Are you named or a mortgage or tenancy agreement?.

Well given your reply... he doesn't want to marry you...and if you keep pestering him then it won't go well...

I guess it's make or break time. Marry or move on... sounds like he's keeping you sweet cos of his baby

Your son is a joint effort? He's half yours and half your partners... too many red flags in just that statement

Have you actually asked him? So my husband then partner took me on a break to Austria and it was winter and just a piicture perfect moment and I just said I've been thinking we should get married how do you feel about it.. we have a baby id like to share the same name and spend my life with you. I said you don't have to answer now but think about it. I never mentioned it again about a week later. He said I really do want to get married and we're already booked to go to Montenegro for our family holiday in September this was Feb he said shall we do it there and the rest is history there were 8 of us in Montenegro it was perfect. Maybe your partner may be scared you want a huge wedding ££££ but I've been married before and hated the big wedding I was pushed into it, loved everything about getting married abroad it really meant something x

What do you advise ?

3 years isn't that long...

Read some of the other comments you've made maybe your pushing him too much. If it's his house he may be thinking you could take it if a divorce comes along. I would leave it alone for now give it a year or so. My husband when he divorced his ex she took the home he already owned before they met because it was a fairly long marriage and one of the reasons he stayed married was because he had a lot to lose financially and she took over half of his pension because she earns less. So basically she gets to retire before him for working 16 hours a week when he works 60 hours so these can be reasons to put a guy off I know it sounds terrible and unromantic but it's life and my husband now after working and saving his pensions since age 18 can't retire until well at least 70 maybe never and he should have retired at 55. Maybe your partner has a friend who's been through a divorce or his parents. That's why he says your picking a scab I'd leave it alone it doesn't mean he doesn't love you some people just are not into marriage they see it as a piece of paper.

@Katej82 "She took over half his pension because she earns less"

A marriage is a legal contract in which the assets are shared. This is especially true of a long marriage. Your husband's ex wife was presumably allocated what she was legally entitled to. I wonder if there were children involved which she raised? Your comments are perpetuating the narrative that women in such circumstances take something they aren't entitled to and it's annoying.

But you are right, if a man or woman does not want to take the risk of sharing assets if the marriage ends they shouldn't get married in the first place.

You can't force someone to marry you. There isn't much you can do, save frogmarching him up the aisle. You're not financially protected unless of course you're on the deeds of the house.

I advise you not to give up work and never to become financially dependent on him.

I should have added she moved abroad with their children without consent or a court order.she abducted them to shack up with affair partner abroad..You can presume all you want but the thick of it was they had free childcare from his mum 24/7 when they were together but she refused to work full time despite agreeing to full time prior to having kids they agreed that she would go back full time once the kids were in school she had the option to as his brother employed her she was offered full time and refused. The thing is she had never gone to college or worked hard to enhance her career never saved a pension herself. That law in respect of pensions was actually put in place for people who had no option the original case was about a wife who stayed home to look after the couples disabled child they agreed she gave up her job and her future work prospects he worked then she of course was entitled to his pension. My husband could have fought it but people who are not upper class can't fight it already cost 10k in solicitors fees. it's presumed that everyone should get 50/50. You do not know the half of it. That's the problem on here too many presumptions. Course I probably didn't say enough but the typing drives me nuts! Yes I think it puts people off when it's already their property and they've saved all their lives especially if the other person has no assets.

Mine proposed after 9 years. His parents split up when he was an impressionable age and we met a couple of years later. He kept saying I’ll do it if you stop going on about it. I did and he did 😄. He wouldn’t have wanted me to propose. We got married 10 years later when our child was 8 lol