Why am I so nervous?!!!

ThatFastHedgehog · 2024-07-08T11:50:54+00:00

Hi! This probably sounds ridiculous but I need to get some sort of advice before I send myself into a panic. I’ve been dating a guy for a few months - we get along so well and spend lots of time together however he now wants me to meet his friends… most of them have amazing jobs and are high up in their roles, and I’m pretty much in a mediocre role working for the council. I’m so worried about meeting them I could throw up. I’m worried and anxious that I’m going to embarrass myself or not have anything to talk about - as I’m typing this I see how silly it sounds but could somebody give me some advice on how to stop worrying and panicking about this?

RedHelenB · 08/07/2024 12:52

Just be yourself. If you try too hard to impress you'll end up making a fool of yourself. Maybe think of some pisitibe things you can say about the job you do.

TeenLifeMum · 08/07/2024 12:54

Just be yourself - your boyfriend is clearly unworried. If they ask what you do just say you’re a civil servant.

Eyesopenwideawake · 08/07/2024 12:56

You are you - you are not defined by your job, your salary, your background, accent, clothes, qualifications, etc etc. In the same way these people are not their jobs - they are just people. Your partner is obviously comfortable with you meeting them, so hopefully they are kind and nice people.

If in doubt, ask questions - most people love talking about themselves and you will find common ground in their answers.

Cliedi · 08/07/2024 12:59

for a start it doesn’t matter what they do unless they are planning to talk shop a lot (in which case I’d be puzzled why your DP is friends with them). If you’re nervous, the best thing is to tell your DP and ask for topics of conversation that get them going or topics to avoid. If he knows you’re nervous he’ll also hopefully make sure you’re not awkwardly standing alone.

Make sure you ask lots of questions, people love to talk about their own lives. Think of some general conversation topics (although maybe avoid politics just after a GE if you want to keep things friendly!)

Mydahliasareshit · 08/07/2024 13:00

Choose to have a sense of humour about it. Smile, nod, listen, get their measure. They are probably decent people.

Don't mention their work. It's a social meeting with friends. You are the wonderful human your fella is into, and that is more than enough.

Let them lead conversation as you are newbie. Don't be afraid to say 'that sounds really interesting, tell me more about that'. People like others who are interested in them.

If it for some reason turns out they are wankers, take the time to evaluate afterwards if you and DP are suited.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 13:01

@ThatFastHedgehog I don’t think you should be embarresed at all about the job that you do ! Respect comes from knowing someone is earning their way in life ,not sitting at home on benefits . It doesn’t matter what job you do , what matters is that you do work and earn money for yourself. You’re a hard worker for even working !
if doesn’t matter that his friends have better jobs , they chose this route . Maybe you could also do these kids of job if you really wanted to but you just don’t want to and don’t want this kind of pressure , and there is nothing wrong with that . You’re happy as you are . As long as you’re financially okay , it’s nobody’s business what you do for living . And the best advice I would give is : just be yourself , don’t try to impress anyone and be someone you’re not . People see through a fake character . I’m sure you’re lovely for even panicking about what they would think about you but I promise you have nothing to worry about . Your partner loves you for who you are and it doesn’t matter what his friends would think about you as they are not part of youre life anyways .

Original poster

ThatFastHedgehog · 08/07/2024 13:02

Cliedi · 08/07/2024 12:59

for a start it doesn’t matter what they do unless they are planning to talk shop a lot (in which case I’d be puzzled why your DP is friends with them). If you’re nervous, the best thing is to tell your DP and ask for topics of conversation that get them going or topics to avoid. If he knows you’re nervous he’ll also hopefully make sure you’re not awkwardly standing alone.

Make sure you ask lots of questions, people love to talk about their own lives. Think of some general conversation topics (although maybe avoid politics just after a GE if you want to keep things friendly!)

So generally speaking, these are ‘his sort of people’ - he’s also quite high up in his job and they all have heaps to chat about, similar hobbies etc. I’m a single mum without that much support so my hobbies are basically running around after my kids and then trying to fit in time with friends on my occasional kid free days. We’ve also never been in this sort of environment before so I think I’m just apprehensive in general - I’m worried I may make a fool of myself. Will note not to mention any politics chat 😅 thanks!!

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatFastHedgehog · 08/07/2024 13:04

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 13:01

@ThatFastHedgehog I don’t think you should be embarresed at all about the job that you do ! Respect comes from knowing someone is earning their way in life ,not sitting at home on benefits . It doesn’t matter what job you do , what matters is that you do work and earn money for yourself. You’re a hard worker for even working !
if doesn’t matter that his friends have better jobs , they chose this route . Maybe you could also do these kids of job if you really wanted to but you just don’t want to and don’t want this kind of pressure , and there is nothing wrong with that . You’re happy as you are . As long as you’re financially okay , it’s nobody’s business what you do for living . And the best advice I would give is : just be yourself , don’t try to impress anyone and be someone you’re not . People see through a fake character . I’m sure you’re lovely for even panicking about what they would think about you but I promise you have nothing to worry about . Your partner loves you for who you are and it doesn’t matter what his friends would think about you as they are not part of youre life anyways .

Thankyou. I needed to see this x

OP posts:

LadyKenya · 08/07/2024 13:08

Just don't be fake, be you. If people are not judging what job someone does, it will be about where they live, how they dress, whatever. Just take them as you find them, hopefully they will be a group of nice people. You can tell a lot about someone from the company they keep imo.

Ilovebees · 08/07/2024 13:16

ThatFastHedgehog · 08/07/2024 13:02

So generally speaking, these are ‘his sort of people’ - he’s also quite high up in his job and they all have heaps to chat about, similar hobbies etc. I’m a single mum without that much support so my hobbies are basically running around after my kids and then trying to fit in time with friends on my occasional kid free days. We’ve also never been in this sort of environment before so I think I’m just apprehensive in general - I’m worried I may make a fool of myself. Will note not to mention any politics chat 😅 thanks!!

Show quote history

If these friends are nice group of friends , they would 100% understand your position , ofcourse you’ll be busy with you kids , ofcourse you won’t have the same time as his friends who have no kids . It’s 100% normal to be stuck in family life with small kids , everyone in this world has to go through this when they start a family . It’s normal not to have time for hobbies and much time for yourself as you’re raising kids and this itself is a big achievement as a single parent . It’s not your fault you’re single parent, sometime life doesn’t work out the way we hoped for . But this doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person to have relationship with . These friends will not expect much more from you if they know you’re a single mother with kids which I’m sure your partner has already mentioned to them if they close enough friends . And you’re being single mother and still working , wow , well done to you ! There is nothing more anyone could ask for .