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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not feeling heard

3 replies

MummytoA · 07/07/2024 23:20

Looking for some advice really, ahead of a holiday with a family member who often makes me feel not heard.

She often talks over me, doesn't listen to my reply, and the bit that bothers me the most is she keeps ON about a topic (it can be anything).

For example, it could be:
Her:do you want a hot chocolate?
Me: no thanks
Her: are you sure you dont want a drink?
Me: no, I'm fine thanks
Her: you look cold, let me make you a hot chocolate
Me: no honestly, I'm fine, thank you
Her: oh go on, it's cold. I can make you one
Etc etc etc

She means well but it's draining and just makes me feel unheard (which reminds me of my childhood... another story!)

How can I be polite but assertive and stop the unnecessary repetition?
Thanks!

OP posts:
XChrome · 08/07/2024 03:47

I have found that it is best to avoid this type of person if you possibly can. Why agree to go on a holiday with her in the first place? Just make your holiday plans without her next time.

You could try explaining to her how this behaviour makes you feel, but be prepared for her to turn it around on you and try to make you the problem.

Walkacrossthesand · 09/07/2024 13:27

Maybe use firmer language than 'I'm fine thanks' - 'I've said no thanks, if I change my mind I'll say so'. Then if she keeps on 'can you stop asking me please? I've said no' thanks and I mean no thanks.'
Reframe it as she's being rude/intrusive by keeping on at you - you may have to feel a bit rude back, to shut it down

MummytoA · 09/07/2024 17:02

Walkacrossthesand · 09/07/2024 13:27

Maybe use firmer language than 'I'm fine thanks' - 'I've said no thanks, if I change my mind I'll say so'. Then if she keeps on 'can you stop asking me please? I've said no' thanks and I mean no thanks.'
Reframe it as she's being rude/intrusive by keeping on at you - you may have to feel a bit rude back, to shut it down

This is useful! Thank you 😊

OP posts:
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