Birthday disappointment

[BoyMummy91]

Hi all

its my birthday in 2 days and I’ve found out my husband has done nothing for it and isn’t going to either. He never does much for my birthday but this year he’s done nothing apart from get me a card from him.

hes not one to pretend either he’s been honest with me and said money is tight (which it is) but I’m slightly heartbroken.

my 3 year old got upset yesterday as he hasn’t got me anything for my birthday or made me a card. I calmed him down and told him it was ok there’s still time etc and had another chat with my husband that he needed to take him to the shops etc. The weekend has been and gone and nothing. He works long hours in the week so the opportunity has gone.

i reminded him again this evening and hos response was to tell me that I’m weird expecting things on my birthday.

I’ve had to pass him things I’ve bought for myself to wrap from our sons and he didn’t offer to pay for them at all despite spending £150 on himself this month.

for his birthday we went away for the weekend and I bought him lovely presents (both chosen and surprises).

I feel so unloved and unappreciated. I’m dreading my birthday.

is this normal?

Have you pointed out the mismatch between what you did for his birthday and the fact that he is doing nothing for yours?

Yes and it falls on deaf ears. He asked me why I care and if I’m being honest makes me feel greedy/selfish for asking for anything.

we have been together over 10 years and he has never been the best at birthdays but this is by far the worst.

it’s not just that I feel unloved it’s seeing my oldest son getting upset that he hasn’t got me anything that’s hurting.

What would you like to do on your birthday, would you like a takeaway, see a friend, watch a film, etc, etc ?
You have a couple of days to plan something nice. You can’t change your DH but you can take control of your birthday. Dont put your happiness in the hands of another.

DH was like this.

I made a fuss of his birthday with presents in the morning and dinner out and he didn't even get me a card a couple of times.

So a couple of years ago I got him a card from me and gave him a kiss and said happy birthday. He asked if that was it so I explained that I didn't think he was bothered about birthdays because he did nothing for mine.

Funnily enough for my next birthday I got balloons, presents, flowers and a card. Which was a bit OTT, but I get gifts every year now.

Do not buy him another card or gift for anything. He will sulk. He will be a dick. Maybe he'll learn. Then I'd tell him to grow up or fuck off.

Nice one.

This would not wash in my house. It would sound the death knell in our relationship.

Edited to add I mean the OP's situation! Not the great idea to give as good as you get!

I understand money being tight but not sitting down with your son to make a birthday card is really not very nice, especially after you've mentioned it already. I would go for pizza with your son and some friends on your birthday! I would be really unimpressed with his attitude

I think it’s the lack of effort that hurts me more than anything. We have everything indoors for our son to make me a card so that would costs nothing and he happily wanted to spend £20 at the cafe today but I stopped him so why can’t he spend even £10 letting our son pick something for me?

everyone is busy around my birthday which I don’t mind - life can be busy! So I’m having a solo day with my boys that I will love.

I just feel like I must be such a bad person that my husband can’t even make the effort for me despite all I do for him.

I know my mum will get my son to make a card quickly before my birthday but it’s not the point for me. It’s the fact my husband is doing nothing.

You are absolutely not a bad person, you sound lovely OP. He's the one who is the problem. Personally I would be telling him that you're not going to stick around unless you see some appreciation and improvement in his attitude. Know your worth

Is he thick? This is what I never understand about the birthday grinches. It’s not about cards or ‘stuff’ - it’s about your nearest and dearest making a little bit of fuss about you - even if it was breakfast in bed, a homemade card and a little muffin with a candle in it - it’s about showing love and appreciation. And it’s not bloody rocket science to think about that a couple of days in advance, y’know, with it being the same day every year and all…

I would be very unhappy about this op. It’s no good saying ‘don’t bother on his birthday’ but he doesn’t give a shit anyway and it just vindicates his stance. You need to put your foot down and tell him how much this upsets you, and it’s filtering down to your child. He really needs to sort his shit out.

This is what I’m trying to say thank you! It’s not that I expect him to spend money on me it’s just the effort.

there aren’t that many days in a year we get an easy excuse like this to show someone we appreciate them and what they mean to us - so it hurts me that I’m only worth 1 birthday card from him and nothing else.

this last year has been really tough. Our family business has struggled, my dad has been seriously ill and amongst all of this we welcomed another baby.

I went back to work very quickly part time to support the family and have been paying for 90% of all the food and my share of the bills. I work hard for our family and still found money for Father’s Day in June (handmade card, matching tops and socks!) not much I know but the effort was there.

i would love to wake up to a handmade card and some flowers my son had naughtily picked for me from the park. Instead I’ve just put him to bed with him asking me to take him to the shops tomorrow so he can get me a card. He had about 20p in his hand he’d found. He’s a complete sweetheart and not learning birthday etiquette from his dad luckily!