Don't feel my friend is on the same planet as me anymore :(

[hannahofthemanor]

I have a longstanding friend, lets call her Jo.
Been friends since sixth form about 20 years ago.
We went to different unis but kept in touch. I went straight into a professional career after uni but Jo has never don't a day's work after completing her degree. She moved back home to live with her parents. Only child. Never pursued any relationships or had children. Still living at home with her mum and not working.
Meanwhile I got married 10 years ago and had 3 children. Busy home life, bit hectic at times but no regrets.
Each time I meet up with Jo she never shows any interests in my life, my works kids, plans or anything. She just talks about obscure hobbies she does from her bedroom. Thinks like reading amine and learning Finnish (how random!). Not knocking it but I'm not sure she lives in the real world. The world where women of our age usually have more to do that sit in their bedrooms all day looking at amine and watching YouTube videos!
Whenever I talk about any of the modern-day pressures of my life, like mortgage or cost of living etc Jo zones out and looks at me as though I'm speaking a foreign language that she doesn't understand. Parents pay her way through life, they're never really encouraged or pushed her to "fly the next" or broaden her horizons.
Last few years Jo has gone though phases of showing an avid interest in psychiatric illness and has self-diagnosed schizophrenia and clinical depression. Not sure if this is an attention seeking thing. I've tried being supportive and saying she needs to get medical attention if feeling that she had anything like these. She refuses to see a GP as claims she would ended up being pumped
full of toxic chemical compounds (she means medication).
I'm getting really frustrated with her. Anyone handled any similar situations with friends or loved ones?

To be honest she sounds rather mentally unwell.

If the timeline wasn’t different I would have been certain I know this person too.
(We’re no longer friends.)

Something isn't right, not quite sure how this friendship has continued!

I think you will just have to accept her as she is and focus on the positives as it does sound as if there is something underlying that may or may not have been diagnosed. Her parents must be aware she that she could not live independently and are probably trying their best to get her support but may be out of inspiration by now - i have a friend who is similar in many ways and the only way to cope is to manage your own expectations and to just listen even if you don't always agree

She could well be neurodiverse, for example a feature of autism can often be intense special interests (the hobbies you mention). This might explain why her parents haven’t pushed her to leave - she may not be emotionally capable of looking after herself. It sounds like a sad situation for her though

My mum used to know a woman like this. She definitely had some sort of MH problem. I think she had a strange childhood and then just never did anything. It's really sad, but having met her a number of times, she was also really difficult to spend any time with. Very unusual behaviour and demeanor.

I actually would have thought that there would be social services involvement in a similar situation these days as it was so strange.

That's really sad for her. Have you ever tried to ask her about job hunting, moving out etc?
I don't think I could keep being friends with someone who had such odd ideas and who didn't take any interest in my life. Does she ever come to your house? Has she met your partner/kids? Does she have any other friends at all?

Sounds like you've outgrown each other. Your lives have gone in different directions and it sounds like she hasn't mentally matured.

Every friendship has a reason and a season. This one is over.

I agree with HugMoreCats. I have a cousin who sounds a bit like your friend, so in my family we have spent some time trying to learn about autism in women and girls as my cousin got diagnosed a few years ago. It hasn’t changed her situation yet (lifestyle, job etc) but it’s helped us understand her better. weirdly I ended up watching Love on the Spectrum cos I think my Netflix was listening to my convos!!!
Suddenly a lot of how things were when we were growing up make a lot more sense.
I must admit I used to think she was a bit of a sad act, I feel bad for saying it

im not saying you should feel bad for being frustrated with her. I still get a bit to the end of my tether with my cousin.