What’s the compromise here?

[Sliiiiiiya]

We’ve been together for two years and things have generally been good. However turns out we have quite different political viewpoints. I’m a labour voter and always have been / plan to be and he votes conservative. He is also quite an opinionated guy and a fan of “political debates”.

im feeling quite drained as I shared an article with him yday regarding labour’s new employment proposals eg removing two year window for unfair dismissal claims. Basically giving people more rights.

he shot this down saying it could make small businesses more reluctant to employ people.

im feeling quite drained by it and just feels like and I say black, you say white scenario. Potentially I’m looking for a yes man, I don’t know? He is otherwise kind, respectful, caring etc etc and treats me and others well.

i just don’t get this whole point scoring thing re politics. He’s cynical about the new government whereas im really excited. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone who shared my enthusiasm.

we’re both 30 and this has made me question things really. Does anyone have any words of advice or wisdom please?

Hes right tho

Firstly acknowledge that neither of you is going to win over the other.

Secondly, think about what his political beliefs mean about his world picture (there's quite a spectrum of right-wing views, just as there is for the left; and you need to know where on it he is. Is it within what you would see as acceptable, even though you don't agree with it?)

If not acceptable, you need to be considering whether you have a future, now that the election has brought out these views.

If acceptable, then can you find a way to agree to disagree and not talk about politics in the home?

And as an aside, is it just politics (during an election) which has made you uncomfortable about his apparently dismissive attitude to your views? If it's more than that, again have a think about the future.

I mean, he's not wrong there, it will make small businesses more reluctant to employ. That doesn't mean it's not still the right thing to do.

Me and DPs politics don't align on quite a bit, so yes sometimes we have a lively discussion on stuff. But there's nothing wrong with having differing opinions.

Obviously there are limits, I couldn't go out with someone who was a Reform voter, but I don't need my political views to align with DP completely.

Thanks very much, really helpful

@AuntieStella what do you mean about the dismissive bit? He veers from “oh you’re a really kind person, I like your take on things” to “what you’re saying is leftist platitudes” and it’s left me floundering a bit.

@Bobbotgegrinch where do you both stand on the political spectrum if you don’t mind me asking?

Agree the parts you agree. If he thinks the Tories are best at XXX because it means the economy will be better therefore people will be happier and safer, and you think Labour are best at XXX because it means people's rights will be protected therefore people will be happier and safer, focus on the last part. You both care about people.

If he's a venal, self-serving racist, dump him.

I'm fairly centrist, have generally voted labour but could have seen myself voting Tory back in the days of John Major. Could never vote for the party of Boris, Truss etc though.

DP is very lefty, think Green party, Corbyn etc

Common topics where we come into conflict include women's rights and immigration. She's naturally very TWAW and that pretty much all immigration is good, whereas I'm fairly Gender Critical and think we need much firmer limits on immigration. Weirdly, we had a conversation about labours plans for prisons earlier today and she took the more right-leaning position, which surprised me.

Sometimes we end up agreeing to disagree, sometimes one of us manages to move the dial a bit for the other. And it's not just politics either, she believes in God, I'm a firm atheist. She loves cats, so I end up tolerating the little bastard that has invaded my home. I'm permanently hot, so she ends up in 3 cardigans.

She loves the Kardashians, so I.....nah fuck that, some things I can't compromise on.

What matters is how you feel about the other person’s opinions.

You have to accept that each of you has life experience, knowledge and perspective that means those opinions make sense.

DH voted leave and I’m remain. However it’s not because he’s a racist bigot. It’s because he disapproves of EU regulation and unelected power. Or something. Makes sense when he says it.

We cancel out each other’s vote every flipping time because we always see the situation and the solution differently.
But we respect each other’s reason for their choice.

If you can’t respect what he says, or he you, or you can’t have a respectful discussion then that’s the issue.

Are you sure you don’t use lefty platitudes, incidentally? Because a lot of left wing diehards use slogans instead of arguments.
I’m a floating voter and really notice different styles of discussion.

never discuss politics or religion with a partner...

DH and I never talk politics as it's one area we will never agree on. You know that your views differ, so accept that and work round it.