Feeling lost - trigger warning CC, EA, SA etc

[BAAHBAAH]

It's been a long time since I posted on here, I originally posted about my relationship with my then husband and had my eyes opened to how toxic it was. From the very begining there was emotional and verbal abuse, coercive control, sexual abuse/rape, violence towards my children and more. With the help of the police I ended the marriage in September 2023 and my divorce finalised in May 2024. Everyone tells me I am doing amazingly well, the children are so much happier and I've pushed myself so hard to do well at work and make changes to the house I haven't dealt with anything I have been through.

I have a court hearing in 3 weeks for an NMO application , I am also speaking with my police liaison officer, support workers and GP and it's overwhelming me - they all tell me how well I am doing but I just feel like I failed my children and myself and whatever I do now isn't enough. My youngest daughter is having to have specialist therapy and assessments for ways to help her as she's become violent towards me (physical and verbal) as well as being terribly angry and sad all the time. I feel like the fight has left me and I need to get it back. Is this normal? All my support workers initially signed me off after barely seeing me and they thought I was ok - I was just focused on getting divorced and making easy changes.

The big issue for us all is living in the house where it all happened, and feeling unable to go to local towns as my ex might me there (it's happened on numerous occasions) just feeling surrounded by the shadow of what happened no matter what changes I make. I am a council tenant so I have the option of exchanging with someone in another area but I know from experience it can take a very long time (or never happen). Is there anything else I could consider or anyone else I could contact for support re. Housing? I can't afford private rent in my area as it's really expensive and I am the sole earner in the household with 4 children dependent on me.

Apologies for how garbled this is, my head is a mess...I've barely eaten for days, can't sleep or concentrate on anything unless I'm at work and I've spent the weekend either crying or being filled with immense anger.

When you are in the midst of a difficult situation, sometimes, you just dig in, batten down the hatches and go into survival mode, which helps you carry on through. It's after the drama is over and things settle that the emotions come out and are hard to deal with, that's when you need the support. Have a word to your GP and see if you can get some counselling, be open about how much you cry and feel its hard to cope. Don't just nod your head at people who say you are doing great. The fact is that people who voice that they need help, are more likely to receive it.
It's up to you to consider your job and only you know if its flexible to allow for moving area. If you have friend or family support, would moving away affect this?
Hopefully once you get the NMO, you will have a bit more peace of mind.

Thank you for your kind words. I will be very honest when I speak with people, I have to be or I know things won't improve. My job is very flexible and I could hybrid work. I have no family or friends near to where I live ATM and my only family is an elderly mother who I can see no matter where I live. My children and I are the core of the family and they will be with me no matter what. I really just want a fresh start for us all, somewhere we have no negative associations with , somewhere we can all hopefully heal? I'm probably asking for too much but you have to aim for the best possible outcome in life don't you?