No birthday gift from anyone

[Lifeasme]

I recently lost both my parents and although this has happened in the past it really stings this year. My husband didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day or for my birthday, not even a card. My older kids didn’t bother to get me anything either but asked me what I wanted. What’s the point in asking what I want when they weren’t going to get anything. I feel selfish for being upset but I really feel like they don’t appreciate me. I always make sure they have something. Last year for my husband’s birthday I spent $800 on a drone but he couldn’t even bother to get me a card. My youngest made me cupcake but only because I asked for some birthday cupcakes. No one from work acknowledged it was my birthday when they all knew. The day prior to mine was someone else’s birthday, they got him a card and everyone wished him a happy birthday on teams. My husband knew how I felt about that so I don’t understand why he would think I would be ok with getting absolutely nothing from him and the kids. My youngest is too little to get me anything, but my oldest two aren’t. I’ve been so upset and crying. It really makes me feel like no cares. After losing my parents I don’t have any family, they’re all I have

That would really upset me.
To be honest I would be having a really firm word with them all because that is just completely out of order.

I am so sorry you have lost both parents 😔

absolutely have a strong word with your family though.
are you sure your work colleagues knew?

That’s rubbish. They’re all arseholes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY from all of us

Ahh yes HAPPY BIRTHDAY x

He sounds like a shit husband- why you buying him presents

That's really shit and I would feel upset too.

Happy birthday 🥳 I hope you can make time to do something nice for yourself 💝

The only way you will be able to make sure this doesn’t happen again is by telling your family exactly how you feel. I’d speak to them all in person and say how hurt and upset you are and that you remember their birthdays etc with gifts and cards and you would like the same please. Do it now before you brush it under the carpet. Do not say ‘ oh I don’t mind’ or you will get the same in future

Happy birthday @Lifeasme 💐

Your husband is a shit. Why has he done nothing to celebrate your birthday? It shows a complete lack of care. When we have been skint in the past my husband and I would buy each other a card, cook a nice date night dinner at home for the other and buy a small token gift. You don’t need to spend much money to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. If money isn’t tight, then he’s being an even bigger shit.

The kids I wouldn’t blame (unless they are adults). When it’s my husbands birthday it is my responsibility to take them to the shops and facilitate them getting a small gift and card. He does the same with them for my birthday.

Have you calmly asked him why he hasn’t done anything for your birthday? What was his response?

Happy Birthday OP! ❤️ 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁

I would ask DH to explain why he did not buy you a present? You spent 800 pounds on him.

Treat them like they treat you - buy nothing for your Hubby or older children.
And comtinue nurture your youngest to be thoughtful lovely they' made cupcakes for you ❤️

We are not with you IRL but loads of MNs are thinking of you and wishing you a happy birthday 😊 💗 x

Happy birthday, you can either tell your family how their lack of thought made you feel or go on a birthday present/card/ arranging treats strike for a year so they see how it feels.

I did this with my DH one year when he forgot to even say happy birthday to me. I didn’t make a big deal of it and he was really hurt when I didn’t mention his own birthday in anyway that year.
It was hard to do and I nearly cracked and bought him something.
After his birthday we talked it all through and now have a £30 cap on presents and we also buy each other a card. If one of us doesn’t do this they can expect nothing on their own birthday .
For Mother’s and Father’s Day as we have adult DC we decided not to do cards but if for example I want a meal out on Mother’s Day the I choose and book it. So far this has worked really well.

That really hurt me to read.
I'm so sorry. It must feel v lonely.

@madameparis The two oldest ones are adults, my youngest isn’t

@Oneearringlost i tried to look at it differently and tried not to get upset but I couldn’t hold back. I think this year makes it even worse because I don’t have any family besides them

You need to tell them I'd actually say seen as nobody bothered to get me anything for my birthday I assume you won't be wanting anything for yours . You need to teach them esp the kids as they are all taking you for granted . I'm really sorry that is really shit and would upset anyone. I'd go a step further to drive the point home and book a spa day for yourself and tell them it's your present to yourself x

@changedwwyd that’s exactly what I want to do especially to my husband but I know how I am and I’m scared I’ll cave. I just need to remember how I feel right now. I am definitely going to mention this to them all today.

Match their energy and when they come yo you upset about the lack of effort point out how they've been treating you and how unappreciated they have been.

Behaviour like this disgusts me, if you've been a decent mum and wife and end up with this crap for a family they should be ashamed.

@tennisfann I’m going to talk to my husband about it tonight and let him know how I feel.

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes and the great advice. It makes me feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone and that it’s ok to feel the way that I feel.

@Sugarsnapper i plan on speaking to him tonight about it. If I wait, it will pass and it will happen again.

Happy Birthday!!!!

That is so terrible from your husband. In your shoes I would be very upset too. It’s not about material objects…just the thought that counts!

I know it’s not the same, but if you can afford it then please treat yourself to something. You are worth it! And definitely do not make an effort for your DH next year.

This is the second time in two days that I’ve read about a Mum not having any presents- hurtful and disgusting. What’s the matter with people? The husbands receive nice, thoughtful presents yet ignore Mum on her special day, after all she’s done for them. Sorry, but I’d be giving them a taste of their own medicine!

Happy happy birthday. Please take all the money you aren't going to spend on your family's birthdays next time and buy yourself something lovely. Then send them some pictures of you enjoying yourself with the message "happy birthday to me from me" 🥰

i Would feel hurt too. Maybe say to husband just to be clear then, we won’t do birthday presents in the future.

You spent 800 quid on him and he got you nothing. It's hard not to assume he's a complete and utter bastard. You can 'talk to him' but it's so far from normal, caring behaviour, I assume he's not a lovely man in all other ways.

Happy Birthday. My ex ruined my birthdays so I've kind off given up on them. Yours hopefully more doesn't have a clue/is lazy as opposed to being an arsehole and doing it purposefully. Not that that makes it any better or any less hurtful. I hope talking with him is productive and he stops being so incredibly inconsiderate of your needs.

Your husband is a selfish, selfish cunt.