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Confused

9 replies

MyKhakiCat · 07/07/2024 11:49

I've been seeing a guy for 7+ months now. We have established that we are exclusive, we see each other regularly, and we're also physically intimate.

But to me it feels like an exclusive FWB or situationship. He's respectful and everything, but it doesn't feel like I'm a priority and I don't feel like he is emotionally investing in me. He's never invited me to share his hobbies, and we'll go out to dinner and stuff, but he always refers to it as "hanging out". He keeps saying he's not ready to officially define the relationship and call me his gf, integrate me into his life, or introduce me to family and friends/meet my family and friends. He's not sure when he'll be ready.

I've made it clear from the start that I'm looking for a relationship. He says his intentions towards me are genuine and he really cares about me, etc. He says he could see a future with me and not interested in seeing anyone else but me, but he's just not sure yet. But he says he's always moved slower like this, even in previous relationships. So he says it's not something do with me specifically, but rather him. Every time I've brought it up he gives me the same response.

I am happy to give him time to move at his own pace IF his reasons genuine.
During my last relationship, for example, my ex said "I love you" a few months before I was ready to say it back. Eventually, I was ready. But if my ex at the time had asked "when will you be ready", I wouldn't have had an answer for him. So I understand two people in a relationship having genuine intentions but just moving at different paces.

But I'm also confused. This guy has reassured me I'm not a placeholder, but I still feel like he's treating me like one. I also I feel like it shouldn't take a man 8+ months to know if he wants to make a woman his gf.

I guess I'm just curious what others think or if you've been in a similar situation on either side.

OP posts:
Olika · 07/07/2024 12:05

If he isn't sure about you/you two after 7 months then I doubt he ever will. I believe in one making it happen if one really wants to. So maybe he is happy to date but not progress it to a relationship because he doesn't see that with you. And he won't admit it and says he is always taking things slow as an excuse.

SamW98 · 07/07/2024 12:37

Sorry but he’s for the him. If he’s ’not sure’ after 7/8 months then don’t waste any more time on him.

His words/actions come across that he’s with you but still on the look out for a better offer.

Skybluepinky · 07/07/2024 12:47

U are just one of his options, drop him and move on.

DaisyChain505 · 07/07/2024 13:17

He’s telling you his intentions, listen to him.

Stop wasting your time on this person and move on. You deserve someone who wants to grab the opportunity to be with you with both hands and with use their actions and words to show you what you mean to them.

seensome · 07/07/2024 17:34

You are his placeholder, his actions are telling you that, men in love that want a relationship with you, want everyone to know and treat you as a priority. 7 months is plenty long enough for him to know and you to wait. I don't think he's that keen.

Greenleavesinthesun · 07/07/2024 18:01

His wasting your time

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/07/2024 18:03

He’s not that into you. He has no big beefy true love to offer you, there will be no sudden ascension into a relationship. This is what he has to offer.

I would end it if I were you.

Catoo · 07/07/2024 18:49

Time to move on OP.

Let him go. If he comes back with an improved offer then you could give him another chance.

If he lets you go without too much fuss then you know he was a time waster.

There’s someone out there who would be proud to call you their gf. You might not meet them wasting time with this fool.

💐

bigethdicketh · 07/07/2024 20:52

I've bin in a fwb for 9years personal preference don't be needy to him he is not on the same page x

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