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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

talk me down

3 replies

Littlepinkstarsbyradish · 07/07/2024 09:40

i cant stop thinking about confronting my ex, its genuinely becoming an obsession

In lockdown i met my ex, we got through that time together and obvs it was tough because we couldn't see family or friends. I sold my flat during the break between first and second lockdowns, but the owners of the flat i was buying pulled out the day before completion so i was homeless and moved in with my ex temporarily (it ended up being 6 months) In hindsight, that was a massive mistake.
The day i moved into my new flat he said he didn't think the relationship was right and he wanted to break up (which obvs made me feel like a total idiot for not noticing this)
A week later i had a miscarriage, i hadnt known i was pregnant because id been told that i would find it hard to conceive due to my irregular periods/health issues. I bled out a 4 month miscarriage alone in my new flat during lockdown, i took myself to the hospital after 4 days because i thought that was excessive and they had to do a procedure to remove the rest of it.
When i told him, he said "that sounds bad". nothing else.

a few weeks afterwards i asked him not to get in touch, but that i'd appreciate a card around the due date of the pregnancy. His response was "i can if you want, but what will that achieve?"

i not even still angry about him and the break up - im just furious that his friends who never met me think he's a good guy and that i caused drama for no reason, they genuinely look at me like im crazy.

i know its a terrible idea, and no good can come of it but i cant help wanting to scream at him and his friends that he's not a good guy! it makes me so angry that he has such a "sensitive" persona, and its total crap!

talk sense into me!

OP posts:
Wannabegreenfingers · 07/07/2024 09:48

In the nicest possible way, I'm not sure what you'd be confronting him about.

The miscarriage was awful for you and I'm sorry you went through it alone. He didn't know you were pregnant, and he only found out after. His responses was poor at best, but not awful.

You lived together for 6 months and once you were in your new flat he ended things. He clearly didn't see the relationship progressing. There's never a right time to end a relationship.

You've said yourself no good will come of it, so don't do it. Maybe write it all out in a letter, but don't send it and bin/burn it after.

Littlepinkstarsbyradish · 07/07/2024 09:54

yeah, that's sensible.
i suppose im just angry that he didnt feel "involved" in the miscarriage, it feels like it was my thing and nothing to do with him. which is obvs how he sees it.
maybe i just need to punch a wall...

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 07/07/2024 09:55

Write a burn letter. It's healthier.

Confronting him is pointless. He won't care and will just think you're crazy. His friends will think the same.

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