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Original poster

Age gap relationships

29 replies

May2December · 10/04/2008 20:42

Hi everyone,
This has probably been done to death but are there any other mners in 'generation gap' relationships (ie 20 years or more) or anyone whose dp's have fathered children in their 50s or 60s? Just interested, because it applys to me and also it seems more common in the Celeb world than in RL. Also does anyone have stepkids their age or older?

OP posts:
BlaDeBla · 10/04/2008 20:55

Me and dh have a 17 year age gap. He has 5 kids aged from 30 to one. He has said NO to more kids - we'd have a joint age of over 100 and he'd be over 60!

Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 20:56

Hi BlaDeBla
How many kids do you have together? Do you get on well with your grown up 'stepkids'?

OP posts:
BlaDeBla · 10/04/2008 20:59

I've just got 2 - the little ones. The older children are great. They were all pretty grown-up by the time dh left his ex so I have never had to be a parent to any of them. I am thankful for that!

What's your situation?

Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:08

Similar to yours by the sounds. Two of our own, two older (my age - we have almost a 30 yr gap). We all get on well, I am also a 'stepgran' to his grandkids who are a similar age to our kids (so although they are nieces, they are really more like cousins). DH was divorced 20 years before we met so almost seems like another lifetime and infact his x treats our kids much like her own grandchildren which is nice!

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 10/04/2008 21:10

I have 20 years between myself and my husband (I'm 34). I'm pregnant with our second child. He was widowed previously, I was divorced. We were both told kids weren't a possibility for us (yet another miracle of modern doctoring ). But we are happy to prove them wrong.

We're both semi-retired so he's at home most of the time to spend time with the kids - which if he'd still been working all hours he would never have been able to do.

geordieminx · 10/04/2008 21:11

Me 25, dp 44, his dcs 17 and 14, our ds 11 months

Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:19

Hi Chocolate
I was 32 and 34 when I had my dcs. We both work part-time (DH retired officially but still working) and share the child care seems to work very well for now. He is mid 60s however, so I do wonder what the future holds but we are a happy little family and he seems to have more energy than me! (Definately more patience!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:20

Geordie
Bet his dcs love their little brother don't they?

OP posts:
Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:21

Geordie
Bet his dcs love their little brother don't they?

OP posts:
Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:21

Geordie
Bet his dcs love their little brother don't they?

OP posts:
Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:22

Sorry 'bout that!

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geordieminx · 10/04/2008 21:28

Actually, no, they refused to have anything to do with us from the moment we told them I was expecting..dd17 got back in touch a month ago, things have been sorted out but they have yet to meet their brother . Hopefully they'll see him in the next month or so. Dp and his wife have been divorced 10 years so it wasnt even like I was the other woman.

Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 21:41

Geordie, hopefully things will work out in time, they are still at that imbetween age (not children or adult). I wish you all the best!

OP posts:
geordieminx · 10/04/2008 22:31

m2d, you're right, very difficult age, teenagers and their pesky hormones! Hopefully things are looking up though, just sad that they missed the 1st year of his life, something they'll never get back. 30 year age gap is pretty impressive, i thought mine was one of the biggest at 19 and a bit! Dp has said no to more kids too but if i'm honest i'm more than happy with one... He's beforable but a handful!

geordieminx · 10/04/2008 22:34

sorry adorable! Oh and the is only 9 years between dp and my mum, and 9 years between me and my mums partner. Work that one out!

Original poster
May2December · 10/04/2008 22:51

My mum's younger than my dh but they get on great. Your mums' dp is obviously younger than her, do you get on ok?

OP posts:
Seabright · 11/04/2008 08:48

23 year age gap (37 + 60). He has to grown up DS's and expecting our first together. No-one in RL knows yet and the main reason I am dreading telling people is their reactions. I know that they're not all going to be good and that it will be a gossip-topic for people around us.

I know I shouldn't care what others say/think, but I still do, I can't help it.

NumberSix · 11/04/2008 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
May2December · 11/04/2008 10:38

Seabright hopefully everyone will come to terms with it. My 'stepkids' adore their brother and sister and are good friends with me. We were gossiped about a lot at first but now we are old news and have been left to get on with it. DH is often mistaken as my dad and always referred to as grandad when with dcs (if people don't know him) it doesn't bother him and he doesn't always correct people. I do think the age gap will become more signifiant as time moves on but at the mo it's of no issue.

OP posts:
Playingthewaitinggame · 11/04/2008 14:00

My sister is 20 and her DP is 42. Her DP has 2 dcs (11 & 13). Was a bit of a shock for our parents (who are 48 and 49) and they had a hard few months in the beginning but our parents have just had to except him and move on. His dc's are lovely and excepted my sis with no problems bless them. She says its easy for her because they have a Mum and a Dad so she doesn't have to fufil the Mum role herself, although she does without realising when they stay, which is 1 or 2 nights a week and most weekends. They have now been together a year and are very happy and actually make a good couple. The only issue I could potentially see is she does wants kids at some point and I am not sure he does. She is not ready for them now so it doesn't cause any immediate problems but I think it might in the future.

newgirl · 11/04/2008 14:03

my dad's partner is 20 years older than him - they met 20 years ago

tbh i had no idea there was that gap - i thought 10 years at a stretch

they get on very well and she is a very funky lady and a great step grandma

zippitippitoes · 11/04/2008 14:06

the main problem is an older woman with a younger guy because it is impossible to have children that way round

arionater · 11/04/2008 19:59

My last relationship was with a man 20 years older than me (27/47). He had been married (briefly) but no children. The main issue there was that children became a huge looming issue immediately because he would like a family very much and obviously he feels he is running out of time, and that was odd for me because I'd been single since my early 20s so didn't really have any experience of such serious issues. We broke up last summer though we are still close in a slightly messy sort of way. The other day we were out together and someone said "is this your daughter?" which was sort of embarrassing! But actually before we got together I thought the age gap would be a huge issue and it really wasn't, I actually like it. If I ever get over the wretched man (looking doubtful!) I would definitely go out with a much older man again. I am an academic though (as is he) and weirdly it seems very common among academics - men married to much younger colleagues; I know lots of men in their 50s with babies/small children. So maybe there are certain fields/professions where it's more common - not sure if this is because male academics are useless at relationships and take years to get themselves together, or because if you are a young successful female in this job all the men your own age are scared off! Maybe both . . .

SparklyMummy · 12/04/2008 20:15

Just thought I would post too. My DP is 27 years older than me and we have 1DD who is 2.5. He doesn't have any other children. They were never part of his 'life plan' but since having DD he thinks he may have been in denial. We are hoping to have one more child too but no luck with TTC yet.
arionater I think you're right about the academic men...my DP def fits into this category and 'took years to get himself together'...
Obviously, I am aware that there is a massive age gap but it works for us. The future does scare me slightly. I wake up at night knowing that i'm likely to be a widow for a long time but I love him and i'm happy. My family have never really accepted our relationship. My parents love their grandchild but cannot get their heads around why I want to be in a relationship with someone who is closer in age to them.

GenerationGap · 26/04/2012 00:28

Anymore age gap relationships since this time?

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