Affair

[TheCandidSnake]

I'm ashamed to say that for the last few months I have been mostly engaged in a emotional affair with another man. Confiding in each other, flirty banter etc he is also in a relationship, we both have children with our partners. Recently this turned physical, once and I have shut it down immediately after it got physical because of the guilt and shame that I felt. This other man is kind, loving and understands me, makes time for me and we get on really well obviously.
My partner provides for me and our son financially so I don't have to work but other than this he gives me no attention, no affection, he treats me like a maid, we have not been intimate for a very long time in the sense we have not had sex but he will demand oral and other things while I'm left with nothing. He comments about my weight, he tells me I've met myself go etc etc but still maintains that he loves means wants us to be together. I've tried to talk to him numerous times about how I feel and also about the lack of intimacy and he doesn't really have any answers. I know it sounds like a sorry excuse but with this other man he showed me lots of attention and did make it clear he wants to get intimate with me, I originally dodged his advances but alas the last time I did not. I feel very guilty and ashamed but at the same time I want more of him.. I don't want to leave my partner but I'm not sure exactly what is keeping me here. I have places I can go and Im not completely dependant on him so I don't know why I can't just get the courage to leave when I'm mostly very unhappy. As I say I've put a stop to the other guy and we are NC. But my mind is consumed with thoughts of him and what ifs. I can't get him out of my head. I know he doesn't want me in the sense that i knew wants to have sex with me but we aren't going to run off in the sunset together. I'm not sure what to do. I can't come clean to my partner, he will be very angry, very upset as he knows this person. I wouldn't say they are friends but he knows him. But I also can't stop thinking about the other guy. I've told no one any of this and I don't really have any close friends to confide in either. I feel like I'm in such a pickle and I'm not sure what to do now.

I think the question you have to ask yourself (and be so painfully honest) is, is your current DP the one guy you want to be with forever despite his faults? Are you being fulfilled emotionally and sexually from being with him?

Tbh, I think maybe not if you've had your head turned.

Life is too short. Don't be with the wrong person. And affair guy isn't the right person either.

Leave your sexually (as a minimum) abusive partner. Remain NC with the wanker who "makes time for you" by taking it away from his family. Seek therapy to improve your self esteem. Eventually you'll be ready to form a healthy relationship with someone else, but neither of these men are any good, OP.

It's sounds like you have the means to have some therapy or counselling and talk this through with someone unbiased. After years of being ignored by your partner it's no wonder you can't stop thinking about this guy who has given you so much attention. But logically you know it's not going to turn into a relationship or rescue you from your current unhappiness. So find something else to think about. Maybe find a job, build up your self esteem. I know of someone who was in a similar guilded cage situation, making increasingly risky decisions with another man, getting back together with her husband, starting the cycle back again. All with two young children dragged along. I'm not judging you, but you have to realise that other people won't make you happy, you have to find happiness within

Your relationship sounds pretty miserable OP and I doubt it will be long before you make peace with your guilty conscience and resume things with the other man. If I were you I'd leave before you get caught and things get nasty. I honestly think you're better off away from a man who treats you as your partner does, even though its a big and scary step to take.

This is exactly it and I do have a lot of love for him and I can't imagine my life without him but I can't help but feel that this is out of habit and safety behavior if anything.

Perfect answer.

What about the other man’s wife and family? Have you thought about them? Disgusting

Agree. It's despicable.

Completely agree.

Absolutely this.

There's two different issues here - firstly your horrible toxic relationship with your abusive partner. You need to deal with that - preferably by leaving the bastard.

The second issue is you’re fucking about with another woman’s husband. You’re complicit in possibly helping ruin her life and breaking up a family. Regardless of his poorly you’re being treated, you’re behaving appallingly. This man is a lying cheating piece of shit - he’s no prince

Leave your marriage. It’s over.

Foeget the other guy. He’s not a good person. He gives you time and attention by stealing it from people who trust him.

Are you sure your not fooling yourself with your own version of "The Script"? Eg, is your partner really so bad or have you fallen into thinking like that to allow yourself to cheat?
If he is not the one for you, then ending it is right for you both. Not for the other man though, but for you to find the right person for you.