Is this normal?

Firsttimemumsteph · 2024-07-06T19:05:44+00:00

My partner and I had a baby 3 months ago and I have had a bit of PPD but it's not bad. Most days I'm fine but some days I am a bit down. However lately; I feel a bit unhappy with my relationship. There's nothing wrong with it. We don't argue or anything. But I will be at home all day with my baby and be really happy, but as soon as my partner comes home from work I'm so down. I don't know why? I think part of it is because I feel like he needs to make more of an effort with our daughter but I'm not sure if that's the only reason. Has anyone else been through this?

Lostworlds · 06/07/2024 20:22

I think this is kinda normal. I felt like this after both my pregnancies. I resented my partner mainly because I was home all day and felt like my life completely changed whilst his barely did (my opinion at the time).

Have you spoken to anyone about PPD? I left it but found my anger just got worse and I would cry all the time. After speaking to the gp and getting some support I felt a lot better and the feelings towards my dh returned to normal.

Original poster

Firsttimemumsteph · 06/07/2024 22:06

Lostworlds · 06/07/2024 20:22

I think this is kinda normal. I felt like this after both my pregnancies. I resented my partner mainly because I was home all day and felt like my life completely changed whilst his barely did (my opinion at the time).

Have you spoken to anyone about PPD? I left it but found my anger just got worse and I would cry all the time. After speaking to the gp and getting some support I felt a lot better and the feelings towards my dh returned to normal.

No I haven't spoken to anyone about it. My mum suspects I have PPD. I feel a bit ashamed to go to the GP about it.

Being a mum is the one thing I have always wanted in the entire world and now that I am...I guess I'm in denial a bit about it.

I'm not sure if that's what's making me unhappy in my relationship. Im not sure what it is

OP posts:

Lostworlds · 06/07/2024 22:25

Please don’t feel guilty about it! It’s nothing to feel ashamed of and can happen to the best of mums. It says nothing about the type of parent you are and it’s not something you can control.

Your child knows they are loved but it’s exhausting being a first time parent. Everyone prepares you for life with a newborn, you buy all the things you think you need but no one prepares you for how much you actually change. The day your baby is born is also like a whole new you being born. Your brain is going non stop and it’s tiring. You have an even bigger mental load which can seem overwhelming but the moment you explain to someone else what you feel you need to do, they will remind you of what’s important and your list isn’t as big/ difficult as you think.

Please speak to your mum about how you’re feeling. Speaking to someone in real life will help lift a weight off your shoulders . When you’re ready, try speak to a gp, it might help you.

You need a break, tell your partner that you’re going for a bath/ walk/ out for a few hours and leave him to care for your child. This will give him some bonding time and give you a chance to focus on you. I know it’s hard to leave your little one and you think you need to do it all, but that doesn’t make you the best parent, it makes you tired and stressed. A good parent still needs to take a break and it will ensure your partner does more and bonds more with your baby.

Original poster

Firsttimemumsteph · 07/07/2024 05:45

Lostworlds · 06/07/2024 22:25

Please don’t feel guilty about it! It’s nothing to feel ashamed of and can happen to the best of mums. It says nothing about the type of parent you are and it’s not something you can control.

Your child knows they are loved but it’s exhausting being a first time parent. Everyone prepares you for life with a newborn, you buy all the things you think you need but no one prepares you for how much you actually change. The day your baby is born is also like a whole new you being born. Your brain is going non stop and it’s tiring. You have an even bigger mental load which can seem overwhelming but the moment you explain to someone else what you feel you need to do, they will remind you of what’s important and your list isn’t as big/ difficult as you think.

Please speak to your mum about how you’re feeling. Speaking to someone in real life will help lift a weight off your shoulders . When you’re ready, try speak to a gp, it might help you.

You need a break, tell your partner that you’re going for a bath/ walk/ out for a few hours and leave him to care for your child. This will give him some bonding time and give you a chance to focus on you. I know it’s hard to leave your little one and you think you need to do it all, but that doesn’t make you the best parent, it makes you tired and stressed. A good parent still needs to take a break and it will ensure your partner does more and bonds more with your baby.

Thank you so much ! I think I will take some time to myself.

It's silly but I was reading something about parenting and it said that dads should be taking their little ones out or whatever so mums can have a break. And I asked him if he'd do that for me and he went "yeah if you needed to go do something I'd take her." But it's like...why do I have to be busy for you to spend time with her?? I think that's also put a damper on things.

But thank you for your advice! I really appreciate it!

OP posts:

Lostworlds · 07/07/2024 08:41

Exactly, he should want to spend time with her without you asking! However (not making any excuses for him) he may be nervous about it and not know what he needs to do other than the main feed, change nappy and sleep. I say this as my friend was so nervous about being around his baby that he felt like he couldn’t bond.

You need to make sure you give yourself some you time. The longer he spends with your child the more he’ll hopefully bond with her.

Original poster

Firsttimemumsteph · 07/07/2024 08:57

Lostworlds · 07/07/2024 08:41

Exactly, he should want to spend time with her without you asking! However (not making any excuses for him) he may be nervous about it and not know what he needs to do other than the main feed, change nappy and sleep. I say this as my friend was so nervous about being around his baby that he felt like he couldn’t bond.

You need to make sure you give yourself some you time. The longer he spends with your child the more he’ll hopefully bond with her.

I guess I never thought about that. I suppose because I jumped straight in and sort of took control he let me. He's never really been around babies before so he's always followed my lead on what to do. It makes sense for him to be nervous. I think I'll talk to him about it

OP posts:

Lostworlds · 07/07/2024 09:51

Firsttimemumsteph · 07/07/2024 08:57

I guess I never thought about that. I suppose because I jumped straight in and sort of took control he let me. He's never really been around babies before so he's always followed my lead on what to do. It makes sense for him to be nervous. I think I'll talk to him about it

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That’s a good idea , see where his head is at and how he is coping too. I know my dh felt left out as he was going to work and then felt a bit excluded when he came home and our dd only wanted me.