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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Big difference in attitude to money

4 replies

Lomita277 · 06/07/2024 19:28

Basically just what the title says. To put this in context, I am divorced- ex was very fair in our divorce agreement. His family were very successful and wealthy and they have never worried about money. While married, we ate out often, went on weekends away, and brought our children on long trips abroad. I have upskilled since the divorce and I have a good job and income. I now have a newish boyfriend (almost three years - I was married for 22). I enjoy my independence and I also enjoy treating myself because I work hard and I would rather have nice experiences than material things.

Boyfriend, is from a country where he grew up quite poor and deprived of many material things, but had good family security, and an excellent education. He now has a really good job and great earnings but he doesn't want to spend any money. When we go out or go away, he insists on paying and won't let me pay, but his choices are for places which are economical but not very nice. I want to bring him somewhere very nice which I am happy to pay for and I know he would enjoy it (we live in Ireland and he feels that this country is so inferior to his and that everything is not good but that's because it's expensive and he won't let me pay to go anywhere nice!!!!) Also, I have always made it clear to him that I am happy to pay my own way for things or if we did something costly, I would pay for my half. Any suggestions? (Please don't tell me to dump him, I enjoy his company and the other elements of our relationship).

OP posts:
MounjaroUser · 06/07/2024 19:29

Why is he living there when he could be living in his own wonderful country?

Lomita277 · 06/07/2024 20:10

His company gave them no choice but to move here or join another company.

OP posts:
merrywidow · 06/07/2024 22:11

Everyone has a choice. You could choose to dump him and find someone who enjoys the finer things in life.
Tight fisted men are deeply unattractive and he only pays because it's probably cheaper than going halves on something you would prefer.

something2say · 06/07/2024 22:16

Or you could be triggering him into revealing his childhood ills regarding poverty and not being able to spend, and through your relationship he is going to slowly relax and learn softer ways? Before anyone says 'women are not there to heal men' I think in some relationships each side brings the odd trigger. I know I do.

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