I have no idea what to do...

[Welshgal72]

Just offloading my mixed up brain at the moment, please forgive me. To set the scene, I'm in a same-sex relationship. For the past three years my partner has lived in my house. She has her own house but she rents it to her married daughter.

A year ago my daughter finished university and has struggled to find full-time work. She has therefore moved back home, and spends half the week with me, and half with her dad. She works part-time and volunteers for a local charity. She also has ADHD and is perhaps a little less mature than many 23 years olds; she has periods of inertia and then periods of hyperactivity, but apart from some quirky personality traits, she's a fully functioning adult, helping out around the house, cooking her own food etc. She isn't difficult to be around.

The problem lies with my partner. She is constantly criticizing my daughter (to me not directly to my daughter), mocking her ways, and saying she needs to move out as we have no privacy. She doesn't have a good word to say about her and gets angry when she knows she's coming home. She says it's not normal for a 23 year old to live at home, and the atmosphere is becoming unbearable.

I feel unsettled in my own home and just don't know what to do. My partner won't ask her daughter to move, so she can return to her own home, she thinks it's my daughter who should go. I know it's not a permanent arrangement - my son moved in for a year after uni, and my daughter is heading off again in September... But I can't bear the pressure of effectively being asked to choose. This is my home, and in my eyes my daughter's too, while she needs it. For the record, my partner also refuses to make any contribution to bills as I earn more...yet wants to make the decisions about who lives here, even if it's temporary. I feel like I'm going crazy, and the atmosphere gets more toxic by the day.

Thanks for reading this xx

She tells you you look older than your age? Well, no wonder, having to put up with her!

I agree with the PP who said get some bin bags in (the shops are still open so go and get some now!) and tell her as soon as she wakes tomorrow that she's spent her last night in your house and you want her to get out by the end of the day.

Before you do that, though, make sure you hide away any of your valuables. I'd also hide your car keys. If your daughter's in, ask her if you can put everything valuable in her room. A woman like this isn't going to go easily but just think, by this time tomorrow you will be free! (And get the locks changed, too - or, better still, get hold of her keys tonight.)

Fanny freeloader was going through my head as well 🤣
On a serious note OP, What are you actually getting from this relationship?
She doesn't like your DD and she is leeching off you.
Give her a week to hop it before you dump her stuff outside and change the locks

No, don't give her a week. That would be absolute hell. She can go and live with her married daughter.

Don't give her a week, she isn't someone with no where to go, she has her own house. Give her a few hours tomorrow and she can go back to her house, they can workout the sleeping arrangements or she can book into a Premier Inn.

Do Not Feel bad, this is the natural consequences of her treating you like shit. This has not come out of nowhere. She has brought this on herself. Do not be talked into letting her stay, she is a complete drain on you.

If you want companionship get a cat or dog, join the Ladies Circle social group, look on Event brite for activities, you can live alone and have a thriving social life, sign up for a Gutsy Girls yoga break etc for holidays.

For the love of god kick her out

Omg, you're obsessed with money says the freeloading piece of work.
Please end this now and put your child first.
My guess is she may well get very angry when you deal with it and tell you what a terrible person you are, ignore and get her out.
She's obsessed the money she's lining her pockets with off the back of you!
You'll feel much better when she's gone

Sack her off

She is abusing you, financially and emotionally. You might want to consider contacting Women’s Aid or similar to help you exit the situation and keep safe.

Get rid.
Reach out to friends to help. Be honest say you’re scared of her and would they come over to help pack her things then be there when she comes home and you tell her she needs to go.

Your partner is completely disrespectful to you and to your daughter and you're still asking what to do? Your partner needs to go back to her own place asap.
Your home is your daughter's home and your partner is massively taking the pee out of you.

Get rid of the girlfriend. She’s taking you for a mug.

You are also frightened of her another 🚩
I would gather your supporters (including your son/his friends maybe) and get her out.
If you are still unable to act talk to women's aid, she is being abusive.

She’s gaslighting you

Time to get rid I’m afraid

Thanks for your good wishes, OP. My life is so much better now, I’m just sorry and a bit embarrassed that I wasted any time on my freeloading ex.

One thing surprised me: I tried several times to end it, but each time he apologised, said things would be better in future etc. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t have the strength and self- confidence to refuse him.

When I finally couldn’t take any more, after he’d insulted my sister while we were visiting her, I said No and really meant it. Then I was surprised how easy it became. I just suddenly had the strength, and he sensed that and let go.

I met someone else and have now been happy for many years. But I remember how hard it was to make that decisive refusal, and then how clear and easy it was once I’d done it.

Best of luck, OP. Remember you’re doing it for DD as well as yourself xx

Clitlodger 😂 best thing I've read all week!

This is an easy one. Bin her off and look after your daughter who needs your support right now.
Yes, it’s perfectly normal for adults her age to be living with a parent.

Your DD/DS should always come first.

It's definitely your P who needs to leave.

Do not let your P ruin the relationship you have with your DD.

As an aside, your DD sounds wonderful.

She sounds abusive, I'm so sorry you're going through this but hopefully this thread has opened your eyes x

None of it is 'what couples do'...couples respect each other....couples try and make each others life better...not worse

Partner is toxic and needs to go. It’s not about getting through to September it’s about you starting afresh then.

Fairly straightforward one. Kick out your freeloading partner who is of absolutely no support or joy to you, and is just a toxic presence in your home.

Your partner is taking advantage of you.

If you are worried about kicking her out maybe your friend, who described her to a tee, can support you?

@Welshgal72 how are things this morning?

Summer is a good time to break up, plenty of things to do in the evenings and get out and about with others, by the time the long nights get here you'll be over the worst of the break up and settled in your new single life.

You should never stay with someone you are scared of, I hope you do end it today remember if you do feel physically scared of her you can tip the police off on their non-emergency line and then if you or any neighbours report an issue you'll be prioritised.

Kick your dickhead partner out.

Clit Lodger and Fanny Freeloader have made my morning 😂

Sorry OP you're being taken advantage of and putting up with a coercive controlling person, to the detriment of you DD. Your relationship with your daughter is more important here.

She needs to go, regardless of her attitude to your DD, the fact she’s living cost free in your home is shocking