Relationship suddenly ended - is it forever ?

[Alicesst]

Hello all

I’ve been reading threads but can’t find anything quite the same is would so welcome any input or advice at all, I need my hand holding and don’t know where to turn.

Im 43, single mum to 14 and 11 year old girls, single handedly raised them, happy, positive, independent. A year go I met the man of my dreams. He has been pure perfection. Kind, gentlemanly, considerate, literally like the male version of me.

lately life has been stressful for us both, he has had 6
months of stressful work issues, bouncing between job offers, medical needs, he recently lost his mum and is. Spring father of three one gorgeous girl has additional needs and he has carried and dealt with like a legend. I have had to move house, change my job, get my daughters into full time education after home schooling them for two years, had one daughter diagnosed autistic and the other adhd, had my dog put to sleep, called 999 on three occasions - life has been a bit crazy.

Despite all this I have always thought we had the best relationship, he has talked bout moving in together, we booked. Holiday for Christmas, talked about retirement, his 50th - coming from him not me.

he took a 2 week holiday to visit family, came back on the Saturday and sent me a text on the Wednesday ending the relationship

I am stunned/shocked/saddnened to the core. I thought he was the ‘one’. He has said he was having doubts for a while (though messaging me up to 35 times a day with very loving messages, telling me I’m his world, his future, so in love with me, can’t wait to see me etc) and that the distance between us geographically was too much (hasn’t been a problem until now - we’re almost an hour away but we’ve still had a blissful year ?)

what do I think/do? Supposed to be seeing him on Sunday to try and process it but I’m literally a walking ghost of myself. I can’t eat or sleep and do not have a clue what has happened. Not sure if i should hate him or worried that he’s having some type of mid life crisis

I wish there was a mutual friend to ask.

any advice ladies ? I’m shocked to the core

You sure he was seeing his family for the 2 weeks he was away? Not away with OW?

I wouldn't meet him, it won't help. Gain back the control and block him.
I think he love bombed you then is now in the devalue and discard phase.

Your lives sounds very busy and stressful, you have five kids between you, three with additional needs, lots of moving, job changes, it might be that he gave it his all for that time, but ultimately it just burned itself out, in his mind at least. Or perhaps he reconnected with someone who lives closer or it seems more feasible.

He does sound a bit gushing and over the top, though. He's not 'perfect', he's just a person and one that kept his doubts to himself until he wanted to jump.

I'm sorry, OP, I don't think you have done anything wrong, you sound blind-sided and it's always horrible when that happens, but I have a feeling it wasn't about you so much as something else in his life (old flame coming back in). I wouldn't bother meeting up to hear about how he doesn't want me, but I'm stubborn like that, I'd want a phone call and then to cut off, be sad and get on with my life.

OP with being an hour away from each other, how offen did you actually meet during this year?

Are you sure all his commitments were real? Could be be married? Have you seen holiday pictures? Was he possibly with his wife and kids?

I can’t see how you have had a ‘perfect’ year if you’ve had all these things to cope with, when did you spend time together?

Definitely don’t meet him. He’ll see you hurt and what’s the use in that for you?

💐

@Alicesst how are you getting on today ?

DH and I message almost that many every day and we've been together nearly 6 years. Lots of messaging isn't a red flag if it's just how you are and isn't necessarily love bombing