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Relationships

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Unsure in relationship

9 replies

ans89 · 05/07/2024 21:49

I've been with my boyfriend on and off for a little over 18 years. We have steadily been together for the past 15 years and have 2 kids together (18 and 3) and I know he loves me but have always questioned if he was ever truly on love with me or just settled cause we had our daughter. The very beginning he actually was just trying to make his other daughter's mom jealous cause they had problems (at the time I didn't know this) and I ended up pregnant and was tagged along him bouncing between us. (Honestly he was in love with her and me with him.) Then 15 years ago I told him when they broke up and he came back that this was the last time and I couldn't keep doing it we stayed together but about 2 years later I found out she broke up with him and told him she was done for good and throughout the years he was always more open with her even co-parenting and their daughter than me and our daughter. Then before we had our son which he has been great with since day 1 but I was sleeping on the couch every night for about a whole year. But also when it comes to any affection of any kind sexual or not it's non existent. It was 4 years almost to the day from when we conceived our son before have sex and I had to initiate it and this was 2 months ago and I can't remember the last time he just hugged or kissed me (years). I've always loved him but it has slowly ate at me over the years and I just don't know what to do, believe, feel, etc. Is there something wrong with me or is this common in long term relationships?

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 05/07/2024 21:51

So he was stringing 2 women along and had kids with both of them?

ans89 · 05/07/2024 21:52

Yes we was 16 and she was 17 then

OP posts:
ans89 · 05/07/2024 21:59

Yes we was 16 and she was 17 then

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 05/07/2024 21:59

Why did you waste your life on a scumbag like that at your age of 16-17.

He's not married you and you're right it sounds as if he settled for you.

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 05/07/2024 22:00

Oh OP, life is for living, to feel love and receive love, to feel passion and desire. You are never going to get that here so your choices are either to accept that or choose life and leave him.

Please choose life because you deserve so much more than this man.

ans89 · 05/07/2024 22:06

I think I've honestly always known but at the same time just hoped I was wrong. And over the years it's just became normal and I chose to not believe it.

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 05/07/2024 22:08

HowIrresponsible · 05/07/2024 21:59

Why did you waste your life on a scumbag like that at your age of 16-17.

He's not married you and you're right it sounds as if he settled for you.

Sorry that came out harsher than I intended.

Sounds as if he is very selfish and doesn't care for you much and isn't loving.

How would you feel if you weren't together.

ans89 · 05/07/2024 22:10

Heartbroken but honestly I'm heartbroken now also

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/07/2024 22:11

Op, you have so, so many more years to live and you deserve a man who really loves you.

End this relationship with dignity, do you best to keep things amicable for your kids, and move on. There's a whole world out there waiting for you. I don't think you've ever had the chance to really get to know yourself.

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