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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It’s definitely me!!!!

1 reply

LedKing · 05/07/2024 15:34

I feel like a terrible person and not sure what to do or why I feel this way?

me and my wife have been together a total of 19 years and married for 17 and things have been fine but the last few months for me haven’t.

I had a previous thread on here and basically I developed a big crush on my line manager. They did nothing to instigate it and I did nothing about it but it was a daily struggle which I kept to myself and luckily I got a new job 5 months ago. But on and off I still think about her and I don’t know why and I hate myself for it. For a little while I just feel like something is maybe missing in my current relationship and I don’t know how to fix it?

I love my wife, I’m still attracted to her and like spending time with her but sometimes I just get a little annoyed with her over silly things, I tell myself off and if I’m honest it’s stuff she’s always done but why am I really bothered now? I bet I’m annoying.

I questioned her the other day to see if she was happy with us and she said yes why? She’s just frustrated with herself as she thinks she isn’t attractive and feels old. She is 10 years older than me but I honestly think she’s fine. I love her family and they love me, we don’t have kids but her niece and nephew we treat like our children and I have a really close relationship with them both and wouldn’t want to hurt them. When I really thought about it there is no one out there better than her so why do I feel like something is really wrong and missing. Someone even said to me a man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything and maybe there’s truth to that.

I’ve got single friends all miserable and a friend who left his wife and life for him is much worse. How do I get over myself? It’s like a voice telling me try something new but deep down I know it’s wrong and I won’t be happy and just hurt everyone around me.

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 06/07/2024 09:01

I think you're showing a lot of emotional intelligence here. The job move was a sensible decision. Here's the thing, people do have crushes on other people. It's human nature to find others attractive, and that doesn't stop when you're married. You just accept that's what it is and move on.
Could you find another outlet for your feelings? A new hobby, or something else to occupy your mind? You know the grass isn't greener it's just shifting those feelings somewhere else now. Also, imagine your wife and how devastated she'd feel if she knew you felt like this. You obviously think the world of her, so keep that in the forefront of your mind, always. 19 years is a long time, things become less exciting and transform into something so much deeper, and that's what you have. Honestly, find yourself a different outlet.

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