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Relationships

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20F Confused by 25M Boyfriend’s Sudden Cold Shoulder - What did I do Wrong?

9 replies

ForJadeGoose · 05/07/2024 09:57

I'm a 20-year-old female (F20) and my boyfriend is a 25-year-old male (M25). We've been in a relationship for 3 months, dated for 3 months before that, and have known each other for 2 years as co-workers and friends.
Overall, our relationship has been going well. We have our disagreements, but nothing we haven't been able to get over. I'm happy in our relationship and I really love him. I feel like he loves me too. He treats me great, tells me he sees a future with me, and talks about us getting married and having kids. I've never really doubted how he feels about me.
However, this past week I've been feeling a bit insecure (not sure if that's the right word). It feels like he's not really interested in talking to me, but to be fair, he hasn't done anything specific to make me feel that way. I chalked it up to the fact that I'm starting my period in a couple of days and my hormones are making me feel a bit off, which isn't unusual for me, so I let it go.
That was until yesterday at work. Earlier in the day, everything was completely fine, but things changed during lunch. My boyfriend is a semi-pro football player and has recently changed teams. We were talking about it as he had his first match with his new team that evening. I asked him what the name of the team is, and he said, "No, I'm not gonna tell you," in a jokey way. I thought he was joking, so I told him I bet I could find out. He said, "Go ahead."
Since I knew where he trains, I just googled the training ground and found the associated team. I asked him, "Is it [Team Name]?" He said no instantly, then I said, "Really?" (the conversation is still light), and he said, "Lol no, it is actually." He asked me how I found it, and I explained, and everything seemed fine.
I then asked, "Why did you say no lol, why didn't you want me to know?" To which he replied (I can't remember word for word), "I don't want you in my business," or "I don't want people in my business." I said, "You don't want me in your business?" and he said, "It wasn't something to be repeated." I just said okay and went silent because what the fuck? I'm here taking an interest in his life and in something that takes up a LOT of his time and his life, and he's making me feel bad for it. We don't really have a "my business is my business" type of relationship either, so I don't get it.
Anyways, we didn't speak for the rest of the day. When we were going home (different directions), I said I didn't think I should come over tomorrow (I go to his house every Friday), and he didn't even make eye contact. He just nodded, and when I said, "OK well I'm gonna get on my bus," again no eye contact, nothing. We didn't text the whole night, but I noticed he turned off his location. Now I'm just sitting here thinking, what have I done wrong to this man? And how do I handle it?
TL;DR: 20F with 25M, together for 3 months, known each other for 2 years. Everything was fine until yesterday at work. Asked him about his new football team, he jokingly refused to tell me. I found out the team name, and he got weirdly defensive, saying he doesn't want me in his business. We didn't speak the rest of the day, he ignored me, and turned off his location. Feeling confused and hurt.

OP posts:
Smithhy · 05/07/2024 09:59

Perhaps after only 3+3 months it isn’t love.

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/07/2024 10:23

Just dump him

TenderChicken · 05/07/2024 10:26

It sounds like he's met someone else and that person is involved in the new team in some way.

SamW98 · 05/07/2024 11:11

You’re 20 years old -far too young for this drama. The conversations about the future sound far too deep and quick. It does sound like he might have met someone else who’s involved with his team tbh.

Dump him and embrace your freedom

Allthehorsesintheworld · 05/07/2024 11:27

Way too much drama. You’re 20, go and have fun don’t settle for this drama queen.

seensome · 05/07/2024 12:05

If he feels it's none of your business then it's no longer a relationship, could be lying or just creating drama because he's lost interest. Just don't speak to him again.

Waterboatlass · 05/07/2024 12:43

If he doesn't think it's your business where he plays football of an evening (a completely normal thing to know about your boyfriend) then he doesn't consider you as having serious potential. So remove yourself from 'his business' entirely and dump him.

Unless there's more to it and you've been turning up willy nilly at practices.

Azandme · 05/07/2024 12:50

It sounds like you are way more into him than he is you.

3 months...

DixonD · 05/07/2024 13:00

I would dump him before he dumps you because this is the only way it’s going.

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