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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there any hope ?

5 replies

Ihavestufftosay · 05/07/2024 01:55

My husband can’t or won’t talk about anything serious . We never row because he just ignores the problem and me . I broached the subject of us growing apart and separating a few months ago and except for hello or goodbye he has mostly ignored me since . I even asked if he had a one night stand and he denied it but wasn’t outraged like I would have been . We were away at a match last week and he txt my teenage son where to meet after instead of txting his wife of 15 years . This really hurt me . There is no sex and in fact the last time we had sex looking back he tried to put me off . We never do anything together anymore , no nights out , we used to do something for his birthdays because I organised it but iv given up , for my last birthday he got me cheap earrings and perfume when he knew I wanted a night away to try and reconnect . We sleep in the same bed and I feel so sad and lonely . I know he won’t move out and I have no money and no where to go . We are late 40’s and I feel so sad that this is my life , we used to have such fun . Our teenage boys will be devastated if we separate and he is a good dad just a shit husband . He sleeps soundly every night , he’s not depressed and to the rest of the world is such a great family man . What can I do I feel it’s gone to far now to ever get any love or trust back .

OP posts:
Scottishandconfused · 05/07/2024 02:38

This sounds so sad and like you say lonely. You have 1 shot of life, please don't waste it feeling this way.
Maybe an idea to print your message out and leave it for him to read.
Then, is there a friend or families home you could stay at for a week to have sometime apart where you can begin to evaluate how you can change your circumstances and move on?
I wish you all the best.

momtoboys · 05/07/2024 02:42

This sounds very difficult and lonely. You're young. You deserve so much better.

kkloo · 05/07/2024 04:17

Sounds extremely painful.
I wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed as him anymore for a start.

Have your sons noticed that their dad is ignoring you? This isn't a healthy environment for them to be in.

Ihavestufftosay · 05/07/2024 17:38

Thank you. Writing it down has made me realise how sad it is and if it was one of my boys in this type of relationship I’d be urging them to leave. I am going to start making a plan for my future .

OP posts:
kkloo · 06/07/2024 01:41

That's good to hear @Ihavestufftosay
You deserve so much better 💐

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