Help!!

[RJmumof1]

Need a little advice please, I just dont know what to do. My partner of 10 years tonight has messaged his mum complaining about me. She then texted me to ‘have a go at me’ because he had to wash up and take bins out, whilst I got our 2 year old to sleep. We both work full time, I’m currently pregnant with baby no. 2, feel awful, have severely low iron levels. Which makes me more tired. If I’am not working for any reason, I always tidy house, do dinner, wash up, sort toddler out, but when I’m working all he has to do in the evening is wash up the plates and tidy front room.

I read some texts between them both calling me lazy, him saying he wants someone who has a career/goals! Which I think has hurt me the most. Because I was trying to reach my career goals before I fell pregnant the first time. He of course is now fast asleep whilst I’m awake crying my eyes out over it all. I thought that everything was fine up until this evening. I also thought my relationship with my mother in law was great too.

I really don’t want to spilt my family up but how can I stay, the tenancy is also in his name, so he says I should leave and he isn’t going anywhere, I don’t really have anywhere else I can go. My DS 1 absolutely adores his daddy and I just don’t know if I can do that do him. He won’t talk about things, I just get told to ‘f* off’ or tells me to go away, ignores me. Says he’s not bothered about wether we together or not.

I said last week you was telling me how beautiful I was and that he loved me, tonight he said he was being Sarcastic.
Bit of a back story back in 2020 he told me he was not in love with me anymore and wanted to break up, he slept with some girl he told me I did not have to worry about etc. we decided to give things another go, ended up having our beautiful little boy. (Which I obviously don’t regret)
He also states that he’s going to change the log book for my car into his name because he pays for it so I have nothing. 😭

Sorry for the rant but I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to! Mother in law is now blocked.
😭💙💙

Well he has the upper hand sadly as you are not married and home is in his name so you’ve no security! Why arent you on tenancy? I would suggest returning to work asap after baby no 2, squirrel away money and make a plan to leave him.

Can you stay with your family?

We wanted to be in a certain village, and places here don’t come up very often. At the time I was out of work and my credit score was not great. So landlady suggest just putting him on the tenancy to pass checks etc.

my mother in law was our childcare so I could work, so unfortunately unless I wait till baby no.2 is 9months and can go nursery I cannot go back to work until then.

Can’t stay with family as their house is already too full. All other silblings still live there so would be over crowed etc 😭 other wise I would, he always says I play the victim but I just don’t see how he thinks this behaviour is normal?!

I am very sorry to read this - you deserve better

Your MiL has no right to say what she has said - unbelievable that a grown man would run to mummy because he had to do the washing up

As others have said I would be gathering evidence and making plans to leave - this is not the behaviour of a decent man or a good father

I would be sending him to hers for a few days.

He said it all started because he text me what was for dinner and I said I did not know yet as don’t have much in. Bearing in mind I didn’t get home from work till half 4, then my little boy wanted to spend time with me etc, complained that I brought him a microwave meal, cooked it for him, but never offers any clues as to what he wants for dinner, always down to me to decide etc.

This man is not respectful and never will be. He wants you to work, look after the home and your child. Why couldnt he plan dinner?

Why do you need to wait til baby 9 months to return to work? Can any family help you with any money or anything?

When I ask him what he wants for dinner I just get whatever I don’t care. This is what I said to him, I can’t be a stay at home mum, plus work and do everything. I just get your only work 8 hours 5 days a week. So I can do more! He also never puts our toddler to bed ‘gets too stressed’ been told tonight that if I wasn’t for him our child would have no clothes because he buys them all. He earns double what I do in a month, yet I’m still expected to pay half of everything. I have to wait till baby is 9months because I’ll at least get 15 hours free childcare. My family cannot financially support me at this moment unfortunately.

This gets worse with your updates.

I think you need a plan to leave him. He’s already said you should leave as it’s his tenancy. He’s said that his compliments to you were sarcastic. He tells you to fuck off. He makes you pay half when you earn much less. He thinks it’s your place to do more family grunt work than him presumably because you’re a woman? He’s getting his flying monkey mother involved in nagging you. It’s a no from me.

In the meantime tell him to buy his own food and cook for himself. If he moans, say it’s because you’re lazy and lack ambition in many areas including cooking his dinner and doing his laundry.

He's giving you absolutely nothing. He openly says he could not careless if you were together or not, and that you should move out? And now he is staying he wants to steal your car?
This is disgusting behaviour. I would speak to the council and say he's threatened to make you homeless. That's essentially what he's saying. 'Be My slave or you're out on the streets', with no car to boot. I hope you can leave him as soon as possible. You deserve a loving, caring man. Not a rude, spiteful emotionally bankrupt mummy's boy.

You do have to leave this man. Your DS will be better off without him in his day to day life as hopefully you can see. Your partner is not respectful, caring or loving he is just being falsely nice when he feels its required. In fact you can’t really call him a partner because partners work together and support each other.

He is a misogynist because he thinks you should do everything in the home, you’re the woman, but he wants you to work to pay your way with half costs as well, when you earn so much less. That’s obviously not fair and not how good relationships work.

I think you need to get clever here. Start planning your future, save away money where you can. Get some advice and see if womens aid, council or citizens advice can help.

I want to leave I really do, but I just cannot bear that I have to not have my children some weekends etc. he says that I will always try to play the victim. But how can I not be the victim, they both slagging me off on what’s app, he’s blocked me on most social media now and number. And if she hadn’t of texted me I wouldn’t have known any different, because he wouldn’t say anything. His mother kept on at us to have another child then decides that she’s going to speak about me like that, putting more stress on to me now that I’m pregnant again, I will never forget that.

it’s because mummy always done everything for him, she always has something in the house to do. But then he complains about her saying she’s too much!

If he doesnt help much looking after the DCs now with you there, and finds it stressful, he isnt going to want to do it on his own…

He is a horrible person and clearly like his mother!

All I wanted was someone who loved me and our family the way my grandparents loved each other. And to not have share the kids. But looks like I’m not getting that and this is not normal. I even got called a ‘beg’ because I was trying to save our family tonight. I’m going to stop replying for abit I’m getting too upset 😭 thank you for all your help.

Bastard, he won't change.

My DS 1 absolutely adores his daddy and I just don’t know if I can do that do him.

YOU are not doing anything to him, you'll be taking him out of a bad situation. It will do him significant harm to see you being treated this way.

I read some texts between them both calling me lazy, him saying he wants someone who has a career/goals! Which I think has hurt me the most.

This 'man' is a complete cunt, the lowest of the low and a misogynist, his opinion is worth absolutely nothing. What kind of a pathetic 'man' texts his mother to bitch about the pregnant mother of his kids just because he has to do a bit of washing up? One day you'll look back and realise how pathetic he actually is.

I want to leave I really do, but I just cannot bear that I have to not have my children some weekends etc.

Chances are that he will barely want to take them if he can't even deal with putting your toddler to bed.

I even got called a ‘beg’ because I was trying to save our family tonight

What a pathetic excuse for a human he is.
You can't save your family unfortunately. He is not going to change.

You and your children will be happier without him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must feel trapped. Try and get some rest and think about things when you have moved from upset to furious. He is a waste of oxygen and you and your children deserve so much better.

Update: his mother can’t have our DS today so we can both go to work apparently she’s not well. Told him he would have to take the day off and look after our child so that I can work. He wakes up at 4:50am says goodbye to son, I say where are you going, he says work. So now I’m left not being able to work.

Your latest update is not a surprise as I say he expects you to be the one to look after the children, home, oh and work full time as well!

I’m really sorry you are going through this but you have to find a way to leave him then maybe you will be able to find, in time, what your grandparents had? You are not going to find it with this man.

As I said before I suspect he wouldn’t have the DCs at weekends anyway he doesn’t want to look after them now does he…p

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry to say this but what a dreadful human being your partner is. Clearly trying to control you. The car he can't change the log book well unless he fills it in as you and that's fraud. He's a control freak clearly and actually he's extremely lazy what does he expect you do everything your both working I would be so hurt and very angry. Id contact shelter and local housing. Not sure what you earn but you may be entitled to a top up from universal credit and some help with childcare. He's controlling you re car house etc contact womens aid that's domestic violence. You can leave do it sooner if you don't you will regret it forever he's probably cheating again why he's blocked you. Do you want your kids seeing their mother so disrespected by their dad forever. I get the weekend thing but it will be good for you to have some time also sounds like he wouldn't really make any effort to see the kids he sounds extremely selfish and just horrible you deserve so much better xx

You could be on here for years updating your thread and there will never be a good update.

Men who can be this cruel to their pregnant partners don't change.

You’re going to be a single parent to 2 children. He’s fucking useless,