a worn out old topic but still - AFFAIRS

[dreamymum]

how can you get so attracted to someone else when you are already in such a happy marriage with someone you really really love?
and since of course an affair is the worst possible option - what can be done?
all advice welcom!!

Look at it as window shopping, you know you love those shoes, but you'd never be able to walk in them...or a dress that wouldn't suit you once you tried it on.

I would imagine the best thing to do is imagine the worse case scenario such as your family falling apart, kids just living with one parent, seeing other parent once a week. Imagine your current partner rolling up outside your house with their new partner in the car.
That is what I would do - Didn't stop my h though - He obviously didn't stop to think about it!!

I think they happen because people are capable of loving more than just one person (just like we can love moe than one child) but our society only allows monogamy as the accepted norm, but it doesn't suit everyone.

Lying and cheating are wrong, but I can see how it happens, after all, society isn't exactly accepting of people who don't have monogamous relationships is it? I'm not justifying affairs by the way, if you've made a commitment to be monogamous you need to stick with it, but just because someone is attracted to someone else it doesn't mean they don't really love their partner.

Sorry - I sound so bitter - didn't mean it to sound like that

Imagine what would happen if you gave in to your feelings ... imagine the worst case scenario and keep thinking about it and focus on why you love your DH so very much and how happy your marriage is. Picture yourself with the man of attraction and try and think how you would feel if your DH was in another place with your DC.

Spoken from the heart

Do people in happy marriages have affairs?

I always thought that there are problems at home for one or both people to look elsewhere, IMHO

People in happy marriages DO have affairs. Some men find it easy to compartmentalise and have no problems with what they have at home but want to try out that young 20 yr old in the office .

People in happy marriages do have affairs - i think at the time they justify their cowardly actions by finding the faults in it. No marriage is perfect 100% of the time.

I think the difference is the men just dont think first - brains in their trousers and all that, whereas woman do tend to think first and that is why other womant find it so hard to 'forgive' woman who do embark on affairs.

I think also that is why these woman get so hurt in the end beause they also assume the men have thought about it as much as they have.

There are some statictics which show that men do not intend to leave their wives (because they is nothing wrong in the marriage) whereas woman only embark on an affair when there is a problem in their marriage (and so they assume the man has too). More marriages fail when the wife has been unfaithful and it may be because of that.

Hope that makes sense.

I also think it is possible to love more than one person and we get our 'needs' met from many different people. The problem with affairs is they are basied on lies and dis-repect. They take the choice away from the 'cheated' spouse to make informed desicions that may affect life.

I agree with alot of what has been said. The difference here is your actually not looking for anyone. Nothing wrong with findng other people attractive infact in a health happy marriage I would say it was 100% normal just never discussed. He's a fantasy, if he puts a spring in your step then lovely while it lasts.

Enjoy looking, have a laugh but if you feel you can't control it then you need to walk away before you do something that you can't take back. Once the door is opened it never fully shuts again. Guilt is a horrible thing to carry round with you and it destroys most good things over time.