Hello, I was hoping someone would have advice regarding feeling a bit lost in yourself? My partner and I have been together for nearly 2 years now and I live with him and his kids. I absolutely adore them all and have totally centred my life around them (my choice), however our relationship hasn't always been easy or perfect. There's been a few occasions where I've found out that he has been unfaithful, through talking to other women and people he's been with previously, or has lied to me about his previous situation with one of my best friends, who I no longer can talk to for the simple fact that I can't unsee/unhear things. The thing with my friend was before me, so while I know he never knew me, he failed to tell me about it, so when she did it caused a huge fight. He's always been very apologetic however gets easily agitated when the topic of me still being affected by this/feeling insecure at times comes up. He refers to it as my "silver bullet" to hurt him.
Since finding this out, and attempting to work through it (still a work in progress), I feel like I've totally lost myself. I am more than happy with him, but I find myself sitting sometimes and my brain just wanders to feeling not good enough/why didn't he think about me in that scenario? I find that I have lost interest in having hobbies and struggle with anxiety when I'm apart from him, which I am also working through. Does anyone have any advice? I know it's not as severe as physically having an affair and cheating, but talking to other women (previous relationships before me) in a "joking" yet inappropriate manner is still painful.