Same fight

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I just feel so underappreciated by my partner. Like he'll say I'm an amazing mum when I bring up that he never does but other than that nothing. He claims I don't have sex with him but honestly if he showed more attention and appreciation of everything I do maybe I'd feel more in the mood.
Like today I stayed up late last night did the Tesco order, got up at 6 made breakfast, Tesco arrived at 7, made lunches, all dressed, eldest at school for 8.45, library, music class, Beach, out for lunch, his grandmothers birthday present bought, picked eldest up, home cooked meal for everyone made by 3pm, wash on trying to get a wash taken down and next one hung up quickly as possible so I can get kids sorted and he's like can you just hold the baby while I cut some weeds. Not a thank you for dinner, nothing.

We earn similar wages and have 3 kids under 4. I worked 4 days and he works 5 but I feel like I'm drowning in the household chores, organizing everything and that I really get zero appreciation. I'm exhausted. I also exclusively breastfeed my 1 year old. I felt like we were getting back to a happier place now I'm back at work and maybe this would led to better sex life but honestly I don't think I can keep up with everything and not be told I'm super mum is that ridiculous?

I just don't know what I'm looking for but honestly we have had this fight weekly the last year. He is an absolutely amazing dad in all ways, will do as much as me- which I tell him daily.

Anyone else feel anything similar or give some advice or words of wisdom? No not nice comments please.

You have 3 children under 4. You’re both going to be under immense pressure and stress.

Is he looking after the kids when you are doing the housework? It sounds like you both have your hands full and maybe try and outsource help to share the load?
or stop doing half of it and get him to pick up the slack?

Any friends, relatives you could use to take the kids so you can get some time out together? (Like a break, not just a night out).
Some breathing space might be good....

@Bittenonce I think this is exactly what we need but sadly we don't.

@Blanca87 he is when we're both here but when I have them and he is at work I get 100 things done while when he has them he gets 2 things done. I don't mind this as he will take kids out all day and is amazing with kids but I sometimes just feel so underappreciated.

@Hugesunflower I'm not sure why this made me feel slightly better but it did 😂

I know it's a tough time but I find it hard to imagine coming home to a woman that's been up with feeding baby during the night, kids happy out all day, handed a plate of homemade dinner, presents for your family bought, running doing washing and not to say thank you. It's making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough and that we are very incompatible as a couple.

i would stop doing the things you don’t have to do, like buying presents for his family. You are probably doing so much and making his life easy he doesn’t notice or appreciate what you are doing. I would pull back before you burn out.

So do less if your efforts go unappreciated. Don't be a martyr. It's his GM, so he gets the present. Are you the only one doing the washing or does he do it too? Why are you making/eating a main meal at 3pm? Seems an odd time of day to eat, he must arrive back early from work. Does he cook at the weekends?
I think reciprocation and matched effort would be even better than thanks.
Get better at passing on and delegating jobs to him.
Don't know if you are mad or brave having 3 DCs in such a short time frame without family or friends as backup. There's got to be a perk to both working, such as having a cleaner. Once a month hire a babysitter so you can have a date night and make sure your contraception is cast iron.
Is it really essential to BF for over a year? Might be worth reconsidering that, not least because it saps you of energy all the more and means DH can absolve himself, whereas, making a bottle up could be his job too.

It should. It will get easier but right now it’s really hard.

Just a thought, but- we can all fall into a routine of ‘who does what’ - if if what you’re both doing is ‘normal routine’ then it’s easy to not appreciate what the other is doing, because it’s ‘normal’.
Change the routine!