I want my 'old' DP back.

[cathers]

After the birth of my DS (2.5)I suffered with PND for about 1.5 years. Got better slowly and thought we were back on track - had decided to move house and try for 2nd child, preg, then had m/c at 7 weeks in feb.

Since then it seems that all we do is row. We have no / v little physical contact, DH is continually late home or working at home in the evenings - anything rather than talk / do stuff together. I feel that I hardly ever see him and v.lonely in marriage.

When asked why his behaviour has changed he says he can only think of how I was when I had PND and thus doesn't want to connect or become emotionally attached for fear of getting hurt. I don't know what to do or how to help - it just seems he has 'given in' and wants to plod on as freinds which I am not willing to do. Any advice ? experiences of this happening after PND?

so sad to hear this. You both need to keep talking, maybe with a mediator (relate?) He can't just give in.
I know men can be badly affected by mc. My exdh was much worse than me. I just thought how worse it could've been, friends with still births etc... but ex was gutted for a long time.

He really needs to talk to others like him. There must be a mc support group for dads? Talk to your doctor, anyone professional who can help you both.

found this article

I know you say he's scared of the PND but I feel the mc has affected him more than he realises. I could be wrong though?

Thank you for super speedy replies..
I am so confused as to what will help as I don't feel I really know what DP is feeling.
Things did seem to improve and though we had made it through PND. It took almost 18 months for us to decide to try for another baby and then since the m/c things are terrible.

DP says he wants another and that 'it will happen' but yet the minute I talk about us ttc he says he is being pressurized. He wants me to do the ov kits but won't share a bed! So fed up of being confused and disappointed. He won't see a doctor though has agredd to talk to someone - don't know who is appropraite?

that's great that he's agreed to talk to someone as a lot of men clam up.
Relate are good as they get you both to open up. If I were you I'd contact your HV as she/he will be able to advise too.

You must be at your wits end especially if he won't share the bed. Are you still cuddling?

found this one too

Dp will cuddle but I have to initate it - he also works as a doctor so is really hesitant to see anyone locally so h/v gp out.

well i hope you find someone to talk to. I lived in a sexless (almost) marriage for years. We ended up like brother and sister. He didn't cuddle either in the end but we'd been together 17 years. I left over a year ago but I didn't want to be with him. We're still friends now but he was sad I left and surprised??
I didn't fancy dh anymore as I'd been rejected so much it just vanished.
All I'm saying is it doesn't fix itself. Your dh is a doctor so isn't stupid. He needs to nip this in the bud or at least be more honest with you.