Is this ok? Or not…I’m doubting myself

[MJRick]

Hi
so my partner had phoned my parents to a barrage of verbal abuse about her and her daughter. Some vile language was used at her and directed to her and her daughter.

I was at work at the time and came home to being locked out at 9.30pm. They wouldn’t let me in or answer the phone other than responding to me via messages. telling me that my parents had verbally abused her down the phone, I agreed it was horrendous language but can’t understand why she locked me out, she kept saying it’s because of what my parents have said.

she wasn’t letting me back in so I had to shout through the letter box and messaged saying if she didn’t open the door to at least get some work things for tomorrow I’d have to phone the police.

it sadly got to that stage and the police arrived before midnight so I’d been stood outside for ages,

I wasn’t allowed in and the police couldn’t do anything other than request I had my work bag and my medication. Which was left by the front door,

I feel this isn’t ok that I got locked out (considering it was nothing I had done) it was my parents.

any advice please? Is it ok or not? As she keeps saying I locked you out because your parents were vile

Sorry I’ve found this a little hard to follow, did your parents phone her and give her a lot of abuse? If so then that’s truly awful. Or did she phone them and an argument start? Either way, what’s happened isn’t good.

Whose home is it? If it’s hers then I’m not really sure where you stand. If it’s a joint home then I’d seek done legal advice.

Honestly, I’m not sure where your relationship will go from here. Do you think you can get your partner and parents to make up or will you be asked to choose sides?

Thank you so much for replying.

my partner phoned my parents, it is awful what they said to her and they won’t apologise they are too old for that, my partner has said she will never ever see them again which I understand but the issue for me is that she locked me out.

i have lived there for 3 years she does own the house. I pay rent as such etc my son also has a room there I have him 2 x a week. I just don’t understand why she locked me out when it wasn’t my fault, I can’t be responsible for my parents actions…

so What’s awful is I’ve had to come bk to my parents and am currently here as had no where to go when she locked me out. It’s been since Monday. My heads all over the place

Maybe your parents said things for eg that they said you said if that makes sense??

It doesn’t matter what age they are, if they have done something so horrible as to hurt the person you love then you need to make it clear to them that it’s not okay and you won’t stand for it.

She needs to feel supported but right now she is hurt and wants to cut all contact. It’s hard to advise when we don’t know how it’s all come about and what was said but your partner feels that she and her dd have been disrespected and isn’t standing for it.
It’s her home, yes you pay rent etc but she can choose to kick you out at any time really.

By telling her it isn’t your fault won’t help. She wants to know you’ll stand by her.

I’ve asked that of both sides and nothing was said like that. Basically my parents called her daughter lazy and afew offensive words directed to her.

i swore on my sons life that I have never said anything to my parents that was said

So I’m struggling too. As I know she’s very upset but she didn’t need to lock me out did she?

Ok I see your point of view here, that she wants my support,

im just bloody stuck now as sorta bk living with my parents now unless things dye down

I’m just gutted she kicked me out though I can’t get my head round it

That’s locked me out not kicked

Maybe she feels that your family are so vile that she wants nothing more do with any of you? As it's her house, she can tell you to leave any time she likes. If I were you, I'd make arrangements to pick up the rest of your stuff before she bins it!

Sorry but if she’s been very badly hurt by your family then she may just decide to end the relationship.
If you want this relationship to work then you need to contact her- text/phonecall/ letter and explain how you feel about her and your dd and how disgusted you are with your parents. You also need to say what’s going to happen next- are you going to make your parents apologise?

Once you do that then give her space to decide if she wants to work it out or end the relationship but ultimately there isn’t much you can do about being locked out, It’s not your home and she wants to protect herself and her dd from being verbally abused.

Thank you so much I really appreciate this advice

Agree with this and you should try and rent somewhere else if she won’t let you move back in immediately.

She won’t be impressed that you are staying with them if they have said these things. What is their excuse?