He still lives with his ex wife

[Lmnop22]

I’ve recently begun dating this man who I have known for a long time.

He has been separated from his wife for 18 months but they still live together with their children albeit in different bedrooms.

There is no financial reason that I can ascertain for this, he said it is for convenience whilst the children are young.

Is this a red flag?

Oh come on OP wake up. Its never good idea to get involved with a man who still lives under the same roof as his wife.

Do you really want a relationship where you can’t ever stay at your partners home because there’s another woman there? Really??

It is true that some people do this, stay together even after they separate for different reasons. I have no idea how people survive that as I did that with my ex for only four months and it was really hard. So, what I am trying to say is, it is possible that he is separated, but like many other posters say, I would not want to get involved with someone like that, no way.

It's definitely unconventional but I have a good friend who still lives with her ex-husband several years after they split up. And they both have new partners. I think part of the reason they still live together is financial, but mainly they feel they can co-parent their DC more effectively. They all know their situation though, including the DC. The former married couple are good friends and supportive of each other so they make it work for them. It wouldn't be for me and obviously not a lot of people, but I have also seen it work.

On the reverse side, I was dating a lady who was separated from her husband but she still lives with him at the family house 14 months after the separation.
She claimed they had separate lives and bedrooms but I was always suspicious about why neither party wasn't to move on.
Just curious about this from a single male perspective.
Everyone has said that is a huge rd flag

He's not ready to be dating yet. Regardless of the official specifics of their separation, anyone living with an ex isn't in a position to date someone else.

Thanks. I'm asking from a male perspective on whether anyone thinks it strange for a woman to be seeking a new relationship when she is still living together with her husband after 14 months of separation

I mean of course it’s a red flag. It’s just up to you whether you turn a blind eye and accept his situation or refuse to.

I can’t think of a bigger turn-off personally. When you are home alone and watching telly, he’s with his family. A wife and children. He is a huge part of something that you have no knowledge of or ever will. They won’t know you exist. Never in a million years would I put up with that. At the first sniff of being second fiddle, I have kicked them in to touch. I would say ‘Get in touch when you have a place of your own and the divorce is well underway. Until then off you fuck.’

Yes, him being married to and living with his wife is a giant parade of red flags.

😬

Judging by the avalanche of threads I read on MN from the many women who are in a relationship like this, there must be HUGE numbers of men who are 'separated' from their wives / partners, but just so happen to still be living in the same house together, sometimes for years after the split. It's really quite astonishing.

I don't buy it.

Thanks everyone
Just to reiterate, I'm a single male.
The query was related to whether that is a strange arrangement for a woman to be dating me and still living together with her ex husband after many months.
Obviously I never know if she is still sleeping with him on occasion or not
Anyway she ended things a little while ago
Probably for the best as I was getting worried and suspicious

Sounds like a good man who thinks/cares about his children. You need to keep him.

Ok
It's a red flag on either side I think, husband or wife still living together months after a so called separation and on the dating scene.
Plus the whole thing of course whether either party are sleeping with eachother?

@Royal12 I think your posts are getting missed as people are replying to the OP.

But yes it’s a red flag and it’s probably for the best that she ended it.

@Royal12 are you the original poster? Your replies aren't highlighted as being OP as the name is different.

Even if the ‘we live together but were separated’ is true - and in many cases it’s not - then I’d still avoid. They’re still too enmeshed and haven’t had the space to get into the right frame of mind to be dating.

Sorry folks
I wasn't expecting such a response this afternoon.
I appreciate everyone who has responded and really appreciate that my thoughts on this situation were not completely crazy 🤣

I'm a single male living in London so thanks for your help

Yeah probably thinking about it she had a strict routine of only being available every other weekend and only on Friday night or Saturday daytime

If she's reading this then apologies

But she isn't his ex-wife, is she? She's his wife. And they are living together.

Unless they are actually DIVORCED then she's still married to him and he's spinning you a line about being 'separated'.

Get rid of him.

This is a little confusing
I'm asking in relation to a female who I was dating who said she was separated from her husband but was still living together after 14 months.
both parties were still living together with no plans to divorce immediately or for either party to move out
The lady was really only available every other weekend on a Friday night and Saturday daytime only.
I was becoming suspicious about the arrangement and if the lady was still having relations with her husband, whilst still dating other people and having possibly multiple other guys on her radar

I'm so confused, is @Royal12 the OP?

Ah, just saw this is a zombie thread, nevermind.

You need to start your own thread then as post people are responding to the OP who is female

When do the children stop being ‘young’- two? Four? Ten? Etc. Yes, a red flag.

If he was actively seeking a divorce, the house was on the market (but not sold yet) etc, it may different. .

You need to start your own thread mate.