Domestic / sexual abuse. Can someone explain the police process for me please

[mumtoabeautifultrio]

My husband has been abusing me for a long time now, and until recently I've not been strong enough to end things. I have done now but the control and physical abuse continues. We have cctv for example that he accesses and controls who I see, kicks off when people are around etc.
I'm autistic so I need to understand exactly how things work with the police before I can process and proceed with it. Can anyone please help to break down what would happen if I go to the police about him please? Like in really clear step by steps, eg meeting one taking a statement, signposting to DV services or whatever might happen.
Then what next? Can they (at my request) just give him a warning? Or once I've told them everything is it no longer my decision on what happens?
If I tell them the severity of the sexual assault (rape) will they immediately arrest / interview/ caution him?
Then what next? Will it be a waiting game whilst they investigate / cps makes a decision?
Then what happens re him contacting me? And accessing the children? Will they put restrictions on him?
If you could give me as much detail and step by steps/timescales as possible I'd be really grateful please.
Thanks

Hi OP - I don't have any answers but here's a link to various domestic abuse support lines that may be able to talk you through the process

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/

I'm mainly posting here in the hope that it will bounce your thread higher up the Active Board so that someone who knows more can help you.

Lots of support and hugs to you.

I also don’t know how to answer this other than to say you really need to report this man. Responding to bump you up to the top so someone who can help sees this. X

I'm sorry you are going through this. Speak to the national domestic abuse helpline first if you can. They will give you really clear steps about what to do and what might happen but also help you through the whole process of leaving an abusive relationship (including some legal advice). Just make sure you call them when you are not being overheard if it is unsafe.

If you are ever in immediate danger or your children are, just call 999 though (or 999 55 to get help without speaking) because whatever the outcome is, at least you will have your lives.

I hope things get better for you all x

There isn't a set answer but typically from what I have observed as a professional working alongside the police is that what will most likely happen is:

After you report it to the police he will be arrested

After he is arrested he will be advised of the allegation you have made and will be interviewed in relation to this. If he has legal representation during this interview he will be told not say much.

After the interview he will be bailed - usually for around 28 days not to have direct contact with you. Unless there is a risk to the children it will be expected he will still be able to have contact with them through a 3rd party.

You will be asked to complete something called a DASH risk assessment and depending on the score from this may be referred to a multi agency process called MARAC where the risks to you will be discussed and actions given to various agencies to support you. Most likely a local domestic violence charity or victim support will contact you.

After that it depends on you what you want to happen to a certain extent- if you don't support a prosecution then the CPS might tell the investigating officer that there isn't much they can do. Bail conditions will end. That might also happen if you support prosecution, but it might not and at some point you mught have to go to court. You will be offered support through Victim Support around this.

If what you disclose to the police is very serious then they may consider prosecuting without your support if you dont give it but it's not that common and usually only happens when the police have a lot of evidence from other sources.

After the bail conditions expire if you feel at risk still and don't want contact then victim support/ IDVA will support you to apply for a non molestation order

His contact with children if there isn't considered to be a specific risk to them from him will be determined by childrens services / court depending on how far he pushes it.

That all sounds overwhelming and scary and it is, but I've seen so many women survive and come out of the otherside of these processes and flourish. You won't regret it at all once it's over and done with but it's not an easy journey. The support is there though and I urge you to take it.