Tips on getting over a crush tonight

[ShellyStone]

Long story short, I plucked up the courage to ask a male friend and long standing crush out a couple of weeks back and he rejected me saying said he'd prefer to stay as friends and doesn't want to risk our friendship.

Tonight he's on a date with another woman and has been offline on WhatsApp all evening. I know she's gone round his because I heard that off another friend when they tried to contact him and he told them he wasn't available. I feel so dejected this evening. I'm ashamed to say I've actually shed some tears as well. Any tips on what I should do to take my mind off it all? I'm aware this all sounds very juvenile but I'm mid 30s which I think is making it worse because I just feel like my time is running out for relationships and family opportunities. Somehow it's all hitting harder nowadays.

Aw really tough situation! Think it is good that you were open as otherwise he would be on date and you would be thinking ‘what if’…this is more painful initially but will help you move on much quicker! Think you are right about the age things feeding into it - have been there and it is hard

Thank you for the kind message. Makes me feel a little less pathetic for feeling how I'm feeling tonight.

It's ok to be sad. I would, in your situation. Just be sad. In my experience, not fighting the feelings make them go away faster.

If this was the other way around and he asked you out on a date, but you for what ever reason said no, how would you feel if two weeks later you found out he was checking your WhatsApp and and discussing your private life with others to figure out who was coming to your house and when?

This man is not your boyfriend, who he sees and whether he is on social media is none of your business.

Sorry OP, but this is a none starter, leave him alone.

It’s tough. Be super super kind to yourself.

Think yourself lucky - He was honest with you, others in that situation would have found it easy to take advantage. Please please please - try not to make yourself so vulnerable again.

It's not shameful to cry and feel dejected it's very normal.

I would probably block him out of my life and avoid all places he is at but I'm not very emotionally mature. If I have to see him I would probably mute all his notifications and seriously avoid him.

What do you mean don't make yourself vulnerable? Don't fall for people? Don't ask anyone out? That seems a bit of a joyless approach to life. You have to take risks in love sometimes!

Sorry though OP, that's absolutely horrible. No shame in shedding tears!

It's not joyless - it's (unfortunately) reality that if a woman makes the first move on a man, some men will say to themselves 'OK so I just need to make minimum effort, and I've got myself a sh*g'. Guess it's not so different between men and women in some ways - if one thinks they don't need to make an effort or take a risk, and the other does: The other will get hurt.

The quickest way to get over him is to put space between you. Unfollow him on SM. He won't know you have, it's not blocking and won't affect the friend status.
I get it can be tricky with mutual friends, but the more you can avoid him for as long as possible, the better.

Aww so sorry op what a horrible feeling! Very likely the friendship is damaged as easier for you to limit contact x

That’s tough, OP. I think you should applaud yourself for actually asking him out, as otherwise you’d still be feeling this miserable, but with a side order of ‘What if?’ and go easy on yourself. It will pass. Stop following him on SM and trying to establish his movements. Treat it like trying to stop any other bad habit, like smoking or binge eating. Good luck.

Thank you everyone for the advice, although a couple somewhat unexpectedly harsh comments. I don't regret asking him out otherwise, as others were saying, I'd be wondering what if right now. At least I can now firmly close the door. I'm also not stalking his every footstep in a creepy way like someone was implying. I felt teary yesterday and I'm feeling somewhat better today.