Should I let him go?

[Wynethrose]

I'm at a crossroads in my life and I'm struggling to make a decision.
I've been in a 25 year relationship with my partner but we've been having problems for the last couple of years now.
I spoke to my partner last summer about being unhappy in our relationship which resulted in him moving into the spare room and that's where he's been ever since.
We've muddled on through this last year but it just doesn't feel right , I don't really enjoy spending time with him anymore if I'm honest.
We don't hug , kiss or do anything romantic anymore , now and again he'll brush past me but apologise for getting in my way , it just feels awkward and I feel like im in limbo really.
It's like we both can't let each other go !!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You need to talk to him and see where that gets you. But don't waste any more of your life. It's too long to spend it unhappy.

Do you have any children together? Do you have a mortgage with him or do you rent? Are you living in a place you like?

It's his house , he never put me on the mortgage when we got together so if I left I'd leave with nothing.
We have one child together who lives with us , he's 25 so not a child as such.
I spoke to a solicitor awhile ago and he said I'm not entitled to anything, I think this is what's stopping me from leaving if I'm honest , I'm scared of not being able to afford rent etc on my low wage.
I'm in my late fifties so keep thinking I'd be stupid to risk my financial security at this stage of my life...

"It's like we both can't let each other go !!"

Don't kid yourself this is romantic and loves young dream.

You're using him for financial security. He's using you for the obvious. If you don't value your life to leave then there's nothing anyone can say.

You get ONE life. This is it. Nothing will change unless you make it happen. You can't live in hope he won't meet someone else as then you'll be out completely. Make your life something special and happy.

Thank you for replying. You're totally right about using him for financial security, which is wrong but I guess we're both using each other.
I do love him , but not in the romantic sense anymore, I see him has family now.
It's finding the courage I guess to take that leap..

Finding courage is just making the decision. That's all. It's no big moment. Just decide what you want and make it happen. It might be hard and take time but only you can do it and only you are keeping you there.

You've been together for 25 years? You brought up your joint DS(25)? You had a long-term (though now defunct) sexual relationship. And in all that time he never put you on the mortgage? I'm not sure I accept that you're "using him for financial security". He has hoarded all the financial security to himself over 25 years.

He neither married you nor put you on the mortgage. It's almost as if he deliberately hoarded the assets while keeping you trapped in an unequal relationship that it will be very difficult to leave.

You call him your partner, but it doesn't sound like it's ever been much of a partnership.

There's enough here to make you very angry and use that to fuel your getaway. However, I think before you do anything you need to talk to him. In depth. What are his feelings for you now? Is he aware that you are now financially trapped? How does he see the next stage of your lives unfolding? Does he see how unfairly he has treated you financially? What, in this transactional game of his own making, does he have to offer you?

You need to talk and gain some clarity.

Then decide what to do.

You've been with him for 25 years, had his child, I'd be willing to bet you've done the lion's share of the domestic work, and he hasn't given a single thought to your financial security, and it seems as though you haven't thought much about it either. You're in a dead relationship and now you feel stuck. You can either continue to live half a life like this or start over. I know what I'd do, and it wouldn't be staying with him.

Thanks for your replies!! It's enlightening to get other people's perspectives on the situation.
I'm thinking I need to have a in depth talk to him in the near future and see where it takes us...